Chapter Seven

CHAPTER SEVEN

Truth and Consequences

We rode in silence for a while and then I lifted the back of his t-shirt and placed my hand against his back, the bike slowed and he pulled off the road. Once the bike stopped I jumped down and paced away from the road and into the thick forest that framed the outskirts of the town I went to school in, I knew that he would follow me and I didn’t even worry about looking to see if he had. We were so in sync that it was so easy to be quiet and not say anything and for it to be as meaningful as a long conversation. I stopped walking after about five minutes, I wanted to talk to him and get some straight answers but I didn’t know how to frame the questions I wanted to ask. I turned to him and seeing his eyes cloud over with worry I stepped toward him and caressed his face, I must have shown him a flash of what I wanted to talk to him about because he huffed out an impatient breath and said “Seriously Renesmee is that all you think about?” I felt anger and frustration flood my body and I couldn’t stop the need to pace from over taking me. I felt the sting of emotional tears prick my eyes and turning to him I said “Jake do you love me? I mean, do you think I’m pretty and do you find me sexually attractive, and not just in the ‘you’re my mate and I’m stuck with you’ kind of way.” Jake stared with suddenly wise eyes and said quietly “Of course I love you Nessie, I love you with my entire heart...” my own heart swelled as he said this but his hesitation made me panic. His next words confirmed that my panic was justified “But we can’t just have sex because you think it’ll bring us closer. There is so much more that we have to consider, we will make love and I am dying for the day that we are ready to face those consequences, but I just don’t think we’re ready just now.”

                I walked closer to him and folded my arms tightly around him, I pulled his head down and kissed his mouth; biting his lip, harder than I meant, and drawing blood. He pulled back and cursed but before he could storm away from me in a snit I pulled him back to me and moulded my body against his. I could feel the proof of his desire against my stomach and his heartbeat ratcheted up several notches, I pressed my advantage and pulling his shirt free of the jeans he wore I rubbed my hands across his washboard hard stomach. The feel of his skin against mine intensified the emotions I was feeling and made me even bolder. He gave a grunt of appreciation as my pale hands caressed his skin, and his long eyelashes swept high cheekbones infused with heated colour. I could feel his surrender and I moved in for the kill, so to speak. Kissing every inch of his face and throat that I could reach I whispered in his ear “I love you Jake, please, do this for me.” And I knew from every experience in my entire life that when I asked for something he went out of his way to give it to me, and I wanted this more than ever. The feel of his large hands covering my back and pulling me closer was reassuring, he grabbed me and we slowly we sunk to the floor of the forest, he held his body away from mine and in my frustration I pulled him over me. Jake pulled his mouth away from mine and whispered “I don’t want to squash you Ness.” I touched his face and showed him how I needed the feel of his body on mine.

I was so pleased that I was getting my way that I completely missed when he made the decision to stop. He pulled away and rolled far enough that we weren’t touching he said, as I groped for him, he panted “Stop! We are not doing this here; I need to talk to the Doc before we go any further. I couldn’t stand it if I hurt you and I know your parents would kill me if I did. Our first time shouldn’t be in a forest on a dirty floor of pine needles, it should be on a big soft bed.” I rolled to my feet, even though his words made sense and I wanted our first time together to be memorable I was furious, I stayed in a crouch and growling through my teeth I said “Fine. Well when you’ve discussed our potential sex life with Carlisle you can go and” and I told him to go and do something that had him saying “Renesmee!” before I sprinted through the forest leaving him standing there alone. I ran flat out until I was five miles from home that was when I became aware that I was no longer alone, within seconds my father was running beside me. I slowed to a stop and we stood staring at each other for the length of time it took me to think about, without specifics, what had happened between Jacob and me. He held his arms open wide and I ran into them, he held me while I cried out my frustration and when I was done he wiped my cheeks and said “As much as I would love to go and pull him apart he is doing the responsible thing. I heard his anger and pain when he got home; he is caught between his desire to do the right thing and his desire for you. Your mother and I agree that you should both go and talk to Carlisle and go from there.” I nodded my head and took off running towards the large white building where my grandparents live.

                As I burst through the trees I noticed that only Carlisles’ smell could be found, I called out softly and heard in return “I am in my study Nessie, come on up.” I slowed to human pace and walked up the first flight of stairs to his study, I didn’t bother to knock because he knew it was me. I entered the room that was his personal space and my attention was immediately caught by the display of art work that depicted Carlisle’s life. The most frightening one was of him and the Volturi, the picture itself was benign but its subject was far from harmless. The one time I had had dealings with the Volturi was the time they had come to destroy my family, but with our friends and some impartial witnesses we were able to defuse the situation without my family losing their lives, and since they had left we hadn’t heard from them. Carlisle sat patiently waiting for me to tell him the meaning of my visit, I wasn’t sure how or even were to start so I said “I know I’m different, physically from other humans, and I know that I have more chromosomes than normal, and that so does Jacob, but what does that actually mean? Are we more alike or less alike?” I couldn’t frame the questions that I really wanted answered and I found myself crouching down beside his chair and ‘asking’ in my own way what would happen if Jacob and I ever got physical. The compassion on his face made tears well in my eyes again and I whispered “I don’t want to be the freak that can’t have a normal life. I want to be a normal teenager, I want to be able to have sex with my boyfriend without fear of something weird happening, but I don’t want to be like Momma and end up pregnant either, well not yet anyway, and that’s another thing. I don’t even know if I can get pregnant. I need you to help me answer these questions, you are the smartest person I know, and I know that you will try and answer them for me.” I looked up at him and his quiet voice calmed my anxiety just as quickly as Jasper and his ‘gift’, he spoke with such conviction that I knew that he would go to the ends of the earth to find the answers I sought “I will do whatever I can to find out just how compatible you and Jacob are; I already know, through what Jacob has told us about the imprinting, that it is a way to carry on their bloodline, so we can safely say that you will one day be able to have baby’s. As for your other questions, I do not know the answers but I promise that I will try and find them out for you. Actually there is a source that we haven’t thought about.” His voice faded away and he sat staring into space, I felt frustration and confusion crinkle the skin between my brows, I reached out a hand and he said “I still think it’s funny that when you get impatient or frustrated you revert back to ‘asking’ the way you did when you were little. The source I was thinking about was Nahuel, we could find a way to get in contact with him and ask him whether or not this type of thing is possible. That is to say we know that you are compatible but whether or not it is risky. In the mean time we can run some tests if you like to see if there is any possibility that you will be able to have children. It may mean some slightly embarrassing questions.” I reached over and kissed his cold cheek and said “Thanks Grandpa, I appreciate your help, so ask away.”

                I spent the remainder of the afternoon answering extremely personal questions about my body and everything my body had done in the five years since my birth. I gave him the complete run down, every period, every time I had sneezed anything and everything. I was completely amazed at his thirst for knowledge and if it had’ve been anyone else I think frustration would have made me leave sooner than I did. And when I did leave it was with his reassurance that he would try and find out everything he possibly could about me. As I walked out of his study I became aware of Jacobs’ scent wafting to me through an open window, I sighed and walked slowly from the house, I didn’t want to see him at that precise moment but I knew I needed to apologise for saying what I had said to him and I knew my hesitation to see him was more to do with my embarrassment at behaving the way I had, than to anything he had done. My eyesight adjusted to the dim light of dusk and I could make out Jake’s hulking wolf shape waiting for me in the shadow of the forest. I knew the minute he decided that I wasn’t going to run from him because he turned his back and walked further into the trees, I slowed to give him time to phase back and to put his pants on. By the time I reached the edge of the forest he was back standing in the spot where I first seen him. I walked closer and sheepishly said “I’m sorry Jake, I acted like a spoiled brat. I didn’t mean any of it, I promise, I was just really frustrated. I don’t know which way is up anymore. If it wasn’t for you I don’t think I’d be as sane as I am. I love you Jacob Black and nothing will ever change that.”

                Jake stood there staring at me for longer than I thought was strictly necessary and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable when his deep soothing voice said “Nessie, I know that you love me but if it’s causing you pain or distress I will leave, I’m not saying that it won’t hurt but I will do it if you need some space.” And even as he spoke the words I heard something else behind them. He walked towards me and it wasn’t until he reached his hand out and lifted my chin telling me “Breathe” that I realised that I had stopped doing that exact thing but I couldn’t control the hyperventilating my body was doing, my brain refused to process what he was saying and I gripped him harder than I expected and said “NO! Jake, no! You can’t leave me, I can’t lose you! I spoke to my Dad earlier, and yeah you might want to avoid seeing him on your own it might not be safe, and I decided to go and see Grandpa. He has had me locked in his study performing horrible test on me to find out what would happen if we got pelvicky with one another and he doesn’t know anything yet but he will find out, I have faith in him.” At the mention of tests I saw Jake’s colour drain and his breathing shallowed out painfully he pulled me closer to his big warm body saying “Honey I’m so sorry that it was awful, I’ll be there next time to hold your hand.” I felt the love and devotion flowing off him in waves and I knew that his offer to leave was superficial so I said “Jake it wasn’t anything bad, embarrassing yes, bad no.” Putting my hand against his cheek I showed him what had happened while I had been locked inside my Grandpa’s study. “Please forget about it. Can we go hunt because I am starving.” He kissed my forehead and went behind a tree to phase. When he re-emerged we took off at a run towards the mountain in search of our meal.

                For as long as I could remember this had been our thing, when I was younger we would go hunting together and he would make it a game to get me to drink animal blood instead of the storage of donated human blood that I knew was waiting for me at Carlisle and Esme’s, but once I got old enough to enjoy the challenge of hunting against Jacob in his wolf form we made a sport out of it. He didn’t realise that I had let him win more times than not but I enjoyed his pleasure at beating me. We settled into our regular pattern and once we tracked some deer we both took off in different directions to see who was quicker at catching theirs. I raced towards the smell of the deer, my mouth watering as the pounding of their hearts and the fast flow of their blood made my hunger sharper. I flew between the trees, my feet barely touching the ground as I hunted, I leapt a small stream and landed lightly on the other side. The sound and smell of the deer closer than before, there was another smell and sound discernable now, Jacob’s scent was sharper when we were hunting and I could smell what some my family complained about, but to me it was the most intoxicating scent in the entire world and the sound of his large paws galloping across the carpeted floor of the forest was reassuring.

                I came across the deer first and picked the one that I wanted, a large buck near the head of the pack, and I chased them without revealing myself. I grew level with the buck and waited until he crossed closer to me. I sprung from the forest, tackling him and bringing him down in a swift movement. I sunk my teeth into his jugular vein and felt the hot spray of blood as it flowed into my mouth. The sound of Jacobs’ paws were louder and closer than before, his barking laugh reached my ears just as the sound of him bringing down another deer did, I glanced up from my own kill and watched lovingly as Jacob fed on his.

                Night was falling quickly around us and the forest was coming to life with the small sounds of nocturnal beasts. We lay curled together watching as the stars came out to decorate the sky, I breathed in the deep aroma of the night surrounding us as I lay with my head against Jake’s chest. I could hear the safe pounding of his heart and I felt more content than I had in quite a while, I drew in a deep breath and blew it out noisily. Jake dropped his arm across my chest and down onto my abdomen, and I felt my heart flutter at the contact, I snuggled in closer and turned my head to place a kiss on his jaw. I wanted to talk to him about the future but I was so relaxed and I didn’t want to jeopardise the closeness we were experiencing. I needn’t have worried because it soon became clear that Jake wanted to talk to me to. He pulled me tightly against him and said “Nessie, we need to talk. I want to talk about the fight that we had this afternoon, I can’t always give you exactly what you want as much as I want to, please don’t get upset.” He held me tighter as I tensed and I guess he thought I was going to run away but I was more like Carlisle than I thought and I wanted to see where he was going. “I’m going back to Forks for a little while, I need to go see my dad; Rachel called the other day and said he wasn’t doing so well.” I relaxed my tense muscles for a fraction of a second until it sunk in that he had said I and not we. I sat rigid against his hard body and waited for the panic to recede. It didn’t, I finally succeeded in pulling away from him and I said angrily “Why can’t I come with you?” As I spoke the words I felt old insecurities flood through me because I knew that I wasn’t the first girl Jake loved and knowing that at one stage Jacob had loved my mother made me feel inadequate, as if the cosmos had given me to him as a consolation prize because momma had loved daddy so much. I rolled to my feet and asked “If I ask to go with you will you take me?” He considered me for a long second before dropping his head and slowly shaking it. “You have school and everything else that you need to do here. I won’t be gone long, you know deep down underneath everything else that I can’t stay away from you for long. Two weeks tops, I promise.” I shook my head incredulously at him, how could he think that I could just continue on with my life while he wasn’t there, I opened my mouth to say something else when a noise caused us both to freeze. The sound was one of tracking feet, stalking the forest. A gust of wind blew from the west and carried with it the scent of the creature stalking us, we looked at one another and Jacob rolled his eyes as we recognised the smell. Several seconds past as we waited for the creature to come closer, ten more seconds past and finally I was tired of waiting for this interruption to leave so we could continue the life changing conversation we were having in peace. I called out loudly “Seth don’t you think that you’re a little old for hide and seek?”

                A massive shape detached itself from the trees surrounding us and stalked forward, with a hissing laugh he bounced around on the large pads of his paws indifferent to the tension. Jake had gracefully gotten to his feet and said “Why aren’t you at home with Hayley?” Hayley; a gorgeous dark-haired dark-eyes seventeen year old, was the young girl that Seth had imprinted on, she came from another tribe closer to where we lived now and Seth spent the majority of his time with her even though he officially lived with Leah. Seth eyed us both cautiously as the mood finally penetrated his personal bubble, he ran back to the trees and phased before rejoining us and saying “Her father kicked me out saying that she needed to study and that I was breaking her concentration. When have I ever been a distraction?” I shot Jake a laughing look before I remembered that he wanted to leave me, even if it was only for a week, I choked the laugh short and glared silently at him. Jacob sighed in frustration before saying “Seth this isn’t a good time, are you and Leah ready to leave in the morning?” I felt my heart stop when Jacob said this, he hadn’t told me that he had already made plans, not such definite plans anyway. I hissed through my teeth and having been around our family long enough to get to know our moods Seth said hastily “Yep, um well I am, I’m gonna go and check that Leah is ready. See ya Nessie.” I didn’t even bother acknowledging him because I knew that if I spoke to him he would get the brunt of my anger and not Jacob.

                I waited until the sound of Seth’s large paws was a soft pounding before I rounded on Jake “How could you not tell me? You have already made plans? This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen, Jake, I want to come too.” He came closer and gripped my shoulders, not painfully, just enough to stop me from turning away from him and said “I can’t take you with me. I want to but I can’t. This isn’t about you Ness, how would you feel if it was your dad who was dying and you didn’t go back and see him? I don’t trust myself around you enough to not… I can’t control… ugh!” he released me so quickly that I stumbled backwards before catching myself. I suddenly knew why he hadn’t told me that he was going; he didn’t trust his control to have me there within arms’ reach without the supervision of my family. I took a deep stabilising breath and said “Let me come, I will stay with Charlie and spend the days with you and Billy. I miss Forks and I haven’t seen anyone in ages. I promise that I will behave myself and not push the friendship. I promise Jake, please let me come with you.” I could see him wavering and even before he spoke I knew that I was going to get my wish and be able to go with him. “There are conditions, only if your parents say you can come, you stay with Charlie and you promise not to push me on the sex thing.” I felt disappointed that we were waiting but I really wanted to go with him so I nodded, agreeing to his terms.

                The next morning dawned bright and sunny but nothing could match the joy I was feeling about heading back to Forks with Jake. There was a down side, and her name was Leah. Leah had never taken to our family in fact she barely controlled her hatred of us and she disliked, or maybe distrusted, me. When I was younger my father had sat me down and given me a rundown of pack life and he had explained about Leah and Sam and how when Sam had found Emily- who happened to be Leah’s cousin and best friend- he had imprinted on her causing Leah great pain and suffering. He then told me something that I had never forgotten; Leah had hated the pain and anguish Momma had caused Jake and the rest of the tribe, they had welcomed her into their midst and entrusted tribal histories to her, not to mention the fact that Jacob had been in love with her and because of their minds being linked everyone got treated to those thoughts and feelings, and then she had turned around and married a vampire, Leah had never gotten over the betrayal and then there was the fact that her mother had married my Grandpa Charlie and she resented it. She was still around because she was part of Jake’s pack and that included me. I shrugged these thoughts out of my mind and focused on the knowledge that within a couple of hours I was going to see Charlie, Sue, Billy, and the rest of the Forks Tribe.

I bounded down the stairs and out onto the front porch in time to see Rose and Em arrive, I continued my run and launched myself at Em with as much speed and force as I could muster. I may as well have hit a brick wall with a balloon for all the difference the impact made on him, he laughed and grabbed me around the waist and tossed me into the air, I squealed in delight as I soared through the air and landed safely back in his strong arms. He kissed my forehead and said “Wow Nessie that actually might have hurt if you weren’t so soft.” I took the insult the way it was intended, jokingly. I laughed and said “It’s not my fault you can’t feel anything short of a wrecking ball hitting you.” My parents and Rose were laughing at our exchange but the sudden stiffening of my fathers’ posture and the distant sound of tyres alerted me to the fact that the pack was coming, so I extricated myself from my uncle’s arms and went and stood beside my mother, waiting for the arrival of my travelling companions.

                We stood assembled waiting for less than a minute before I heard the sound of the car turning off the main road and onto the driveway that lead past Carlisle and Esme’s to our front yard, something that had been done simply for this type of occasion but to my knowledge this was the first time that the road had ever been used. I felt the excitement and anticipation flooding through me, I hadn’t realised how tangible this excitement was until Rose said “You really are in a hurry to escape from us, aren’t you Nessie, I hadn’t realised how eager to leave you were.” I swallowed my excitement and turned to face half of my family, all of which had varying degrees of emotions clouding their gorgeous eyes, and I said “I’m not excited about leaving you, I’m excited about seeing everyone we had to leave behind when we moved, I miss everyone and I can’t wait to see them.” A small voice in my head whispered ‘but it’ll be nice to spend time with Jake and not have my thoughts and feelings monitored’ and even as this thought formed I regretted it. I danced over to my dad’s side and wrapped my arms around his waist and thought ‘I didn’t mean that the way it came out but’ I didn’t need to finish the rest of my thought because he had whispered “It’ll be nice anyway. I’m sorry, Nessie, that you’re thoughts aren’t safe from me the way your mother’s are. I’d give anything to be able to not hear peoples, those I love anyway, thoughts.” I grinned up at him and said “I know Daddy, and I love you for it.” Reaching up on my toes I kissed his jaw, the car we had heard on the road had finally pulled to a stop in the front of our house and some of the occupants disembarked. I watched as Seth bounded up the stairs and greeted each member of my family individually, even hugging my mother briefly, Leah staid in the car ignoring us as if they hadn’t even stopped. Jake’s broad smile made the overcast day suddenly brighter even though it wasn’t his usual smile and he walked at a more sedate pace than Seth had but his greeting was just as inclusive before he backed back down the steps, they didn’t have the chance to actually say anything before my father said “Billy is that bad?” I felt my heart stutter as I had a closer look at Jacob and saw that behind his gorgeous smile pain and grief dwelled within his dark eyes.

                He rolled his eyes and said “Thanks Edward, yeah he is that bad. Are you ready Ness?” I nodded and said “Yep.” I leant down to grab the handles of my bag but Seth was there already he smiled and said “I’ve got it. Let’s get going.” I leapt down the front stairs and wrapped Jacob in a fierce hug putting my hands on his face and showing him how badly I felt that his father was so unwell. He kissed my forehead and whispered “Thanks Ness.” Looking up at my extended family he stood quietly before saying gravely “I will take care of her, nothing will happen to her while she is with me.” My father stood glaring at him without saying anything but I knew, even without his special gift, that he was hearing the secret thoughts that dwelled inside our heads. I released Jacob and dashed back up the stairs and hugged him tightly before embracing my Aunt and Uncle and lastly my mother. She clasped me to her tightly and she whispered in a chocked up voice “Say hello to everyone for us, and tell Charlie and Sue that I said they need to come and visit as soon as possible because we miss them terribly.” I nodded my head as tears obstructed my vision, I had never been away from my family before and it was now sinking in that I wasn’t going to see them for a full fortnight. Jacob wrapped his arms around me and pulled me gently towards the car and kissing my temple he opened the door and folded me gently into the passenger seat. I waved goodbye and we drove away.

                I felt the tears that I had been holding in flow down my cheeks and Jake placed one strong arm around me and said “You can stay if you want.” I shook my head and through my sobs I said “No, I want to come with you it’s just that I haven’t ever been away from them and it feels odd.” He smiled and nodded his head before saying “We’ll be home again before you know it and then you’ll be begging me to take you away again.” I nodded and forced a smile onto my face, wiping my tears off my cheeks and watched as we sped away from our current home and towards the past.

                We drove for hours before the rumbling of my stomach drew laughing glances from Jacob, he pulled into the nearest fast-food restaurant and grabbed some burgers and fries before continuing our journey towards Forks. We drove westward and after almost twelve hours on the road we finally reached Port Angeles, Washington State. As we hit the outskirts of the small tourist town I felt my excitement bubble up inside of me and I grabbed Jacobs’ hand and held tightly. He shot me a small smile before returning his gaze back to the road ahead of us. We drove for another hour before we reached the road-side sign reading ‘The city of Forks welcomes you – pop 3120’. The atmosphere in the car was electric and I fidgeted in my seat as we drew closer to Charlies’ house, the house my mother had spent the last couple of years of her humanity living in. As we pulled up outside the two storey home in which Charlie and Sue now lived, I was practically bouncing in my seat, we had barely pulled to a stop when the front door opened and Charlie came running out followed closely by Sue. I had the door open and was racing around the front of the car, barrelling into the open arms of my loving grandfather, before the car had fully stopped. Charlie stumbled backward at my enthusiastic greeting, chuckling as he said “Wow Nessie, look at you. You’ve grown so much.” He kissed my cheek moving my body to his side and greeting the others as they made their slower exit from the car. He held out his hand and shook hands with Jacob and Seth before dropping a quick kiss on Leah’s cheek, by this time Sue had reached our side and was greeting us all warmly and for the first time in the time since we had left Forks to move away Leah smiled. She wrapped her mother in a tight embrace and I was struck by the knowledge that being away from her mother may have contributed to the fact that Leah was the surliest person that I knew.

                We walked as a group inside and made our way through to the back of the house and into the kitchen, where we perched on the mismatched chairs that made up the dining furniture. We were all chatting amiably and after about an hour Jacob checked his watch and said “I’ve gotta get going, or Dad will be ringing demanding to know where I am.” He rose from the table and shot a look at both Seth and Leah, who both rose from their respective seats and kissed their mother’s cheek before filing out the door. Charlie and Sue followed them giving me and Jake some privacy, I felt tears well in my eyes at the thought that we were going to be spending the night apart, it was the first night that we had been separated, that I could remember, since I had been born and it was difficult to see him preparing to leave me, even if it was only for the night. I shuffled closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. I looked up into his face and said “This is harder than I thought it was going to be, I have never been more than a few feet from you during the night. I bet you I don’t sleep because you’re not there snoring.” Jacob laughed softly and said “Me? What about you? You snore too.” I felt the pout of annoyance purse my full red lips together but before I could fling a retort at him he bent down and kissed me. I crushed myself against him and ran my hands over as much of his broad shoulders and back that I could reach, he allowed this for longer than I expected but still for a shorter time than I wanted. He broke our kiss and set me away from him, our palms brushing, my thoughts shining inside his head for a brief second. His beautiful full lips pursed and his words were harsh but his eyes showed longing “I thought you were going to behave on that front?” he asked. I felt anger, and it stopped my quick response because until recently it took a lot to rouse any negative emotion in me, I took a deep breath and said as calmly as I could “I can’t control what goes through my mind, can you? I can’t help that I have teenage emotions and feelings, and I know that because you’re older you can control them better than I can but give me a break. I am only eighteen and I have normal eighteen year olds thoughts. Don’t you remember what that was like?”

                As I said the words I regretted them, it was the closet I had come to reminding him that he had been a hormone driven teenager and that he had focused those hormones on my mother, and even if he did want to remember, I definitely didn’t want to. I pulled away from him but not before I placed a quick kiss on his clenched jaw and moving to stand closer to the sink and further from the door (and Jacob) I said “Forget I said anything, go and see your dad and let him know that I will be down tomorrow to visit.” He stood staring at me with sad eyes before he backed towards the door and said “The keys are hanging up; I know you don’t need to drive and that it would probably be quicker to run but I think we should try and keep up the ‘normal’ appearance while we’re here. ’Night Nessie, love you.” I watched him as he backed further out of the room and I whispered painfully “’Night Jake, sweet dreams.” He shot me a look full of longing a said quietly “They always are sweetheart because they’re of you.” I felt a sob rise in my throat and choked it back as much as I could, I watched him leave through tear filled eyes and the second I could no longer smell him I broke into loud wracking sobs that shook my entire body. By this time Charlie and Sue had re-entered the house, Charlie stood watching me awkwardly- probably having horrible flashbacks to when my father had left my mother and she had broken down- while Sue wrapped me in a huge hug and encouraged me to cry out all my pain. She held me until the sobs faded and sanity returned, with sanity came embarrassment at being seen like that. I hugged her back and said hoarsely “Thanks Grandma, I’m okay now. I think I might go and get ready for bed.” Kissing both my Grandparents worried foreheads I grabbed my bag and fled up the stairs to the room where my mother had once slept. I dumped my bag on the floor and heeling off my shoes I flopped on the bed, closing my eyes I listen as the rain picked up and this reassuring sound helped lull me into a deep, dreamless sleep.