Chapter Six

Jealousy thy name is Stupidity


Jacob hadn’t come to see me at school, even though he had been given permission to do so, and I was enjoying the normality that my life usually lacked. My life was boringly normal and I actually loved it, I was met every afternoon by Jacob and this was the highlight of the day. Frina had asked questions about Jake but I asked her not to mention him to the others because I didn’t want them knowing my personal business, she had thought I was crazy to want to hide Jacob and not flaunt him in front of the other girls. I had laughed but pleaded with her to do this for me. She had reluctantly agreed. The normality I craved lasted for about six weeks and those six weeks had been the best I could remember. That was until we were walking from our last class before lunch, which just happened to be math, and Harrison pulled me aside. We hadn’t really spoken alone since the incident on his stairs and I wasn’t really in the mood to do so now especially since I didn’t want to encourage him. I stopped but remained at Frina’s side. Harry closed his eyes briefly before opening them to say “Ah Renesmee can I ask you something?” I looked at him strangely and said “As long as it’s not ‘can I borrow your homework’ ‘cause the last time that happened you copied it word for word and I had to redo mine.” He laughed self-consciously and I was even more intrigued. Frina looked slightly annoyed and since I knew she had feelings for Harry that went beyond the friendship façade, I was even more concerned. Harrison didn’t see the look and he said “Hey Frina can you go save our seats please, we won’t be long.” I felt annoyance at his obvious ignorance to the hurt that Frina felt at his attitude; surely after her tearful exit from his house he wasn’t so blind to the fact that she loved him. I waited as she walked away, it took Harrison several seconds to speak again and I felt irritation sparked inside me, I was tempted to touch him and hurry ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ was, up. He looked around at anything but me when he spoke again “No Renesmee I don’t want to borrow your homework, I wanted to ask you a serious question and I didn’t want to do it in front of everyone.” My irritation was definitely surging now as I waited for him to actually get around to asking his question. He lifted a hand and tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear, I didn’t speak and I think this threw him because when he did speak again his voice was hoarse and his words were rushed. “I want to know, would you’d like to go out with me? You know like on a date.” I was shocked and I didn’t know how to answer. Sure I liked Harry but I like Frina’s friendship more. I opened my mouth to answer him but a deeper more fearsome voice sounded from behind me.

“No she wouldn’t like to go out with you beat it.” Both Harry and I spun around and faced the person whose voice had interrupted our conversation. I recognised Jake’s voice immediately but I had never heard the tone he was using and when I looked up into his face I saw anger and something else shining there. Harrison, although not the brawniest guy in school, stepped in front of me and said to Jacob “What the hell is it to you anyway?” I tugged on Harrison’s hand succeeding in freeing myself without hurting him, but before I could say anything Jake was growling low in the back of his throat “I happen to be her boyfriend, so unless you would like me to re-arrange your good looking face I suggest you leave, now!” Harrison shot me a stunned look, it was streaked through with confusion and anger but he left. I watched him go, my feeling of disappointment sharp and slightly painful. I hadn’t wanted to hurt him and if Jake had given me the opportunity to explain things to Harry I’m sure it would have gone far better than it had. Rounding on Jake I slapped a hand against his chest and said “What the hell was that for?” he was breathing heavily as if trying to control his temper and I waited, hands on my hips, for him to answer me. It took him a full minute before he had controlled himself enough to say “I saw him pull you away from the crowd, I was curious why you went willingly and I came closer. I could tell the second that I looked at his face what he wanted and then when he touched you, I snapped and I wanted to rip his arm off.” He dropped his head to rest his forehead against mine, wrapping his arms around my waist he whispered. “I’m sorry Ness. I overreacted. I was so jealous and I wasn’t thinking properly.” I rolled my eyes and asked “Honestly? Jake are you crazy? As if he could hold a candle to you and I get the whole jealousy thing, but I thought we covered that already, I like him of course I do he is a friend. Can you remember what they are? Now he probably hates me for this and I’m gonna have to work at regaining his friendship. If you had’ve waited for like ten seconds you would have seen me let him down gently” my voice changed to one of mocking regret as I said “I’m sorry Harry but I already have a boyfriend and he is one very large, over-protective werewolf and sometimes he acts before he thinks.” Jake twisted his mouth into a self-mocking smile and said “Okay, I get it. Take me to him so I can apologise, I’d hate to damage any friendships you have here. I just want you to be happy.” Quickly kissing my lips he pulled away, took my hand and allowed me to pull him in the direction of the cafeteria.

As we entered the long room that housed the cafeteria I noticed that more than the usual amount of people stared as we walked through the doors. I ignored the looks and the increased whispering and walked towards the table that I shared with the friends I had managed to make. They were all staring too, well except Harry who was glowering down at his pizza as if it had done something to offend him. I stopped and looked around awkwardly and said “Guys, this is Jacob.” There was a small pause while my friends stared and then they all choked out various forms of greetings. I jerked my head in the direction of a spare chair and Jake grabbed it while I slumped into the one that Frina had saved for me. Conversation was slowly starting up again and I concentrated on the topic, it was Jensen’s car (the rev head in our group, he loved anything that had an engine) and the trouble it was causing him. I felt Jacob’s interest peak and I knew that within seconds he would have absorbed himself in the conversation. My thoughts proved prophetic and within seconds Jake was giving advice and asking questions about Jensen’s car. I rolled my eyes at the female population, which until today I hadn’t noticed was out-weighed by the male population, we laughed at the guys and their conversation. My eyes lingered lovingly on Jake’s face and when I turned back to the girls Frina said quietly “Wow! I never noticed before he is huge!” I chuckled because I forgot that to everyone else Jacob was unusually tall and muscular, to me he was perfect. The rest of the girls laughed too and suddenly they were all asking me questions like ‘how come you never told us about him?’ ‘When did you guys meet?’ and from Grace, a very shy Asian girl in the group ‘what do your parents say?’ That one was the easiest to answer because it was part of our ‘cover’ I took a deep breath and said “My parents died” which technically they had “and I am staying with my Aunt and Uncle.” Which most of the time we did “They love Jake and they treat him like part of the family.” Most of them did anyway. I thought about which question to answer next but Frina interrupted with another question “What did Harry ask you anyway? When he came in he looked terrified and angry all at the same time.” I sighed and without thinking I reached out and touched Jake’s arm. Frina’s question lingering in my thoughts, he turned and lovingly touched my face with a small smile that said ‘blame me I have broad enough shoulders’ which made me smile before turning back to Frina and seeing the stunned faces of the girls in our group I panicked, I forestalled their questions by saying “He wanted to ask me out but Jake kind of took offence, he yelled at him. That was why it took us so long to come inside, I was yelling at Jake.” I hadn’t wanted to actually tell Frina the true reason behind Harry getting me alone. I was worried that it might damage our friendship and if she hadn’t been looking at the way Jake and I interacted I think it might have destroyed it completely. The girls all sat staring at me with open mouths, Frina was the first to recover and she whispered incredulously “You yelled at him?” I nodded and she continued amazement in her tone. “Wow, I don’t think I’d have the nerve to yell at a boy let alone one that was as big as Jacob.” I smiled softly “He is a big softy. There isn’t anything in this world that he wouldn’t do for me, and vice versa. I love him.” The combined sigh that came from the collective female genre was loud enough to draw attention back to us and conversation once again became a group affair.

The bell rung to signal the end of lunch and we were all heading to our next class which was History but I lingered outside the cafeteria saying goodbye to Jake. I kissed his mouth and said quietly “You have nothing to worry about, I love you and there couldn’t be anyone else.” He pulled me closer and kissed me hard, when he put me away from him we were both breathing hard and his voice shook when he said “I’ll be here to pick you up. I love you Nessie.” Kissing his hand I said “Bye Jake, love you too.” I watched as he sauntered away from the school buildings and I waited until he had descended the stairs that led to the parking lot before racing to catch up with the rest of the small faction of our group that I had History with. I made it through History and Language, even Gym but my mind kept skipping out on me. I had one more class, which was English, and I knew it was going to be even harder to concentrate when I knew I had an hour left until I saw Jake. We filed past Mr Philips and took our seats, the second we were seated he proceeded to drone on about Shakespeare and within minutes my mind was wandering. “Renesmee” I was jolted back to reality, Oh crap, Mr Philips’s voice called my name again from across the classroom and I had absolutely no idea what it is he had been talking about, so pasting what I hope is a winning smile on my face I trilled “Yes Mr Philips?” Oops I need to tone it down, my voice is way to musical and clear and people are staring, that’s another thing about being a hybrid, you need to work on things that everyone else does effortlessly, like talking. Mr Philips seemed momentarily stunned but he quickly got past the stunned and anger sent a wave of colour up his neck. “I asked you a question, what was Shakespeare’s reasoning behind this use of alliteration?” I felt my heartbeat return to normal and I answered his question without really thinking about it. Before he could scold me for not paying attention the bell rang, leaving me wondering just how much I had missed in that lesson, sweeping my things into my bag with humanly-impossible speed; I forced myself to walk with human fastness out of the classroom. As I stepped from the classroom I smelt Frina come up from behind me. “Renesmee what is going on? Did something happen after lunch? You have been totally spaced all afternoon.” I cringed but before I could answer her I caught a whiff of a familiar smell and a whispered sigh passed my lips “Jake”. Frina huffed out an impatient sigh but I ignored her, throwing her a quick and vapid good-bye I flew across the campus and down to the car park where, parked on his motorcycle, Jacob waited for me.

I knew he heard me coming and, without really looking to see if he was prepared for it, I leapt into his arms. Wrapping mine tightly around his neck I bent my head and placed a lingering kiss on his mouth. He returned my kiss while holding me effortlessly off the ground with his massive arms corded with muscles no normal eighteen year old possessed. He finally put me down and as my toes grazed the bitumen I clung tighter, shaking my head and pressing my hands against his face and neck. “I know you don’t wanna be put down Nessie but I can’t drive and hold you too.” As my hands were still pressed against him the quick flash of thought that ran through my head, the thing I wanted to do more than anything in the entire world, was passed into his. I heard him groan and he dropped his head to rest his forehead against mine. “Oh Nessie do me a favour and don’t think about that anywhere near your father because as much as he likes me I think he still might kill me.” He placed me more firmly away from him and I stared petulantly up at him, and not being able to voice my fears and feelings of rejection I touched his cheek. His gaze bore into my downturned head and he whispered “I want you more than life itself but I don’t think you’re ready. We have an eternity together and I’m not going anywhere plus we don’t know if it’s even possible and what the consequences could be.”

I let my hand fall from his face and before I could answer a voice thick with disgust and annoyance growled from behind me and my senses, the ones I had ignored while in Jacob’s embrace, belatedly kicked in and I tensed before I recognised my fathers’ voice “Too late for that favour to be granted Jacob Black. I should kill you where you stand for what I just heard from inside your head.” I turned and attempted to shield Jake with my body, an attempt that should have been laughed at because at five and a half feet tall and weighing about one hundred and ten pounds I was still a lot smaller than Jacob, I looked at my father and thought ‘Over my dead body!’ My dad looked at me and said “Go home Renesmee.” I felt a quiet snarl rip through my chest and as it vibrated through the tense space the sound of my mothers’ musical voice came from the top of the stairs to the car park “Edward you will not kill him!” and even though she had spoken in a normal voice from her position way above us we all heard it as clearly as if she had been standing beside us instead of thirty feet away. My protective stance relaxed because I knew with smug assurance that my mother wouldn’t let anything happen to my Jake. Hearing the smug thought pass through my head my dad glared at me. I looked at him and said “What are you guys doing here anyway?” I looked into the gorgeous faces of my parents and waited for them to explain why they were here. They didn’t and I felt anger rising inside me. I knew that every thought I was having my father could hear so I made the annoyance I felt extremely loud. Seeing that his temper and patience was fraying I turned to Jake and said “Fine let’s go home.” Momma stepped closer to us and said “We just had a call from Alice she wanted to know what you had planned that had wiped us all off her radar.” I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, Jake did the same and then he said “Nothing, I swear, I haven’t made any plans.” He moved away from my parents swinging his leg over the motorcycle and shooting an apologetic look at my dad he said “Come on Nessie let’s go.” I looked at my parents and letting my gaze rest on my dad I thought ‘I’m sorry Daddy’ he just jerked his head to acknowledge that he had heard me, before I climbed onto the back of Jakes’ bike. I rested my head against his broad back and let the exhilarating feel of speed rush through me.

Chapter Five

Misunderstandings


I stood stock still, unable to think let alone react, as Harry’s mouth sealed itself against mine and moved softly. It took a split second for me to move; I jerked away from him, forgetting that I was standing half way up a flight of stairs, and felt my footing slip. The last thing I saw before tumbling backwards down the steps was Harry’s shocked face and his hand reaching out for me. Now in my head I knew that the fall wouldn’t really hurt me but the shock of it still drew a startled scream from me. I tumbled over and over until I reached the bottom of the stairwell, I lay quietly trying to regain my equilibrium along with my breath. I heard Harry jump down the stairs and come to a stop beside me, calling my name over and over again but my scattered brain refused to let me answer. I could hear the panic creeping into Harry’s voice and I knew that if I didn’t respond to him he was going to call an ambulance and they would want to take me to the hospital and I knew that I couldn’t let that happen, so I struggled into a sitting position and said “Harry its okay I’m fine. I just lost my step, that’s all. I, um, think it might be best if I go and get my Uncle to look at it though.” Harry was crouching over me with a worried look on his green-tinged face; I tried again to reassure him “Honestly Harry I’m fine.” Moving my limbs I was slightly surprised to feel twinges of discomfort, obviously I had fallen harder than I thought, but that wouldn’t account for the rapid greening of Harrison’s face. “Harry I am okay, please don’t worry about me. Why are you staring at me like that?” My annoyance made my voice sharper than I had intended it to be but it shouldn’t have resulted in the ringing in my head but that answer came with Harry saying “Ness you have a huge gash on your head. We need to get you to the hospital, now!” I froze as the sound of his words sunk in, then I raised my hand to my head and was even more surprised when it came away sticky and wet with warm blood. I smiled faintly and said “Um yeah that might be a good idea but Carlisle, my Uncle, isn’t at the hospital today. He is at home, so maybe you could drive me there instead that’d be great.” I struggled to my feet and let Harry help me out to the green pick-up sitting in his front yard. I allowed him to help my into the passenger seat without much thought as to what I was doing asking him to drive me home and the questions that it would raise.

The minute Harry twisted the key in the ignition and the truck rumbled to life I closed my eyes and gave directions to our property without opening them to see if he was following my directions or ignoring me and driving me to the hospital. After several quiet minutes I knew that he was taking me home because the sounds and the smells had changed from city to rural and I relaxed a little more. When we pulled up out the front of the huge white house that Carlisle and Esme lived in I knew that I was in for the third degree because Harry snatched a quick breath and muttered softly “Jeez, check out the models.” Which to me meant that at least more than one member of my family that Harry hadn’t seen now stood on the front stoop, waiting. I unbuckled my seatbelt but Harry’s sharp voice stopped me “Don’t even think about getting out of this car without help Renesmee.” and considering how much my head throbbed I didn’t even bother to argue with him. The car door was opened a second later and the cool hands of my Daddy gathered me close and he whispered quickly and silently in my ear “Ness what happened? Is this child responsible for this?” I groggily replayed the incident inside my head and let him see that Harry wasn’t directly responsible for my present condition. I lay my head against his shoulder and drifted into welcoming sleep.

When I woke it was dark outside and I was lying in Carlisle office, the shades had been closed and the room was muted and still; I shifted slightly, testing out my sore muscles, before sitting up slowly. A deep voice stopped any further movement off the sofa I had been lying on. “Renesmee Cullen I thought you had more sense than to behave the way you did.” For a split second I was confused as to what Daddy meant and when I opened my mouth to say so he snapped “Letting that boy kiss you while Jacob watched was reprehensible, how could you do such a thing?” I felt anger bubble up inside of me and it playing itself out through my thoughts ‘I didn’t let him do anything. He spotted Jake and he kissed me. I wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t surprised me. I take it Jake came back. Well did you see the reason for my being at Harry’s in the first place? Silence greeted my thought and I knew that Jacob hadn’t let on to what had drove me to my friends house in the first place, so concentrating over my throbbing head I replayed the entire scene with Jacob within my head, Daddy’s growl was the only indication that he had heard me. So I said “I didn’t go there to get revenge, I went there for friendship and then it got blown all out of control.” His clenched jaw made his words muffled as he said “I know that and I knew that Jacob was hiding something from me but he was stubbornly refusing to think about it. I am going to let the others know that you are awake and they will all want to come and see you to make sure that you are okay, especially Carlisle because this was something we always wondered about.” The comment intrigued me but before I could form the intrigue into a question he said “We always wondered if your skin was as impenetrable as ours.” Touching my head gently he continued “I guess now we know the answer.” I smiled wryly up at him and opened my mouth to speak but he was gone, I had barely ten seconds to myself before there was an influx of vampires crowding in on me. I tried to answer all of their questions but their bombardment was hurting my head more than I could stand but funnily enough it wasn’t Daddy who told everyone to give me some space it was Carlisle; whose deep, calm voice washed through me relieving the tension I had been feeling “Okay I need some space with the patient, you can visit after I have checked her over now that she is conscious.” I felt embarrassed heat colour my cheeks but I refused to acknowledge it.

Every member of my family, except Jake who hadn’t been there, filed out of the room on Carlisle request; leaving me to smile sheepishly at my Grandfather. He spoke quickly and his touch was professional as he went through all of my injuries and checked to see if I was okay. When he was satisfied that I wasn’t wounded beyond repair he sat back and said “How did this happen?” I closed my eyes and rolled them behind my lids before opening them and reaching a hand out to touch his wrist. I showed him what happened and then sat back; letting him sort through the information I had given him. When he was done he said “Oh I see. Well I am very glad that you weren’t more seriously hurt and I think that, if we were given the chance, we wouldn’t have like to find out that you’re not as thick skinned as the rest of us. I do think that both you and Jacob need to talk about this together without the interference of the family, I suggest you lay here for a while longer than go and seek out Jacob and then…” his sentence never finished as we both heard the sound of shouting coming from downstairs.

“Edward there is nothing you can do, she is an adult and she needs to work this out on her own, they both have things they need to work out.” Momma’s strident voice was firm and I could see her standing before my father, preventing him from racing across the miles to attack Jacob as he made his way towards the house. I made to get up from the sofa only to be held firmly in place by Carlisle who smiled and said “Rest, I will go and sort this out. I will send Jacob up here as soon as possible. Close your eyes and rest.” I closed my heavy lids and lay back against the sofa, tired beyond words.

The exhaustion lasted for as long as it took Jacob to reach the house, than all hell broke loose, there was yelling and shouting and the sound of bodies crashing together; then there was nothing. No shouting, no crashing of meeting bodies, no breaking furniture; only the sound of dragging feet as they made their way towards Carlisle study, I kept my eyes closed even though it was Jacob, I was reluctant to have this confrontation now. He walked in and crossed to my side, I felt him crouch down and sit there staring at me. I pretended to be sleeping but as a small chuckle made me aware that he knew I wasn’t, his next words confirmed it for me. “Ness I know that you’re not asleep, I know how your body sounds when it’s asleep.” I sighed and opened my eyes slowly and looked up at him through my eyelashes, the sad look on his face made my heart twist and I struggled into a sitting position. When he moved to help me I held out my hand and whispered “No, I can do it.” He rocked back on his heels and watched me move gingerly up the sofa.

I breathed in deeply and swung my legs over the side of the couch and faced him, however reluctantly, and opened my mouth to speak but his words cut me off. “I know that it the gentlemanly thing to allow a lady to go first but I need to get something out into the open before we go any further. I did ask Leah to pass on the fact that I had gone hunting and I did as you suggested and asked her why she didn’t, she said that it served you right for making me feel like I had to go away for a little space. I couldn’t believe that she had done that so we had a huge argument and I told her in no uncertain terms that it had been my decision to have time away on my own, not yours, and that you had nothing to do with the decision. Also what you walked in on at her and Seth’s place was absolutely nothing, I swear and I promise that from now on if I need space than I will let you know personally.” He lent in and kissed my forehead, making me wince in pain. I hoped that he missed the little grimace but I really should have known better. I heard his breathing hitch and his heartbeat accelerate before he growled “I should kill him for this.”

I rolled my eyes and winced again before saying “It wasn’t his fault, not really anyway, I misjudged my footing and fell.” Jacob snorted and said “Yeah, that’s all that happened.” I swore under my breath and he smiled saying “You should know by now that you can’t lie to me or hide anything from me because your face is an open book.” I looked him squarely in the eye before saying “I haven’t lied to you.” I lent back slightly when he lent forward, my movement not going unnoticed. His nostrils flaring as he said “So why did you let him kiss you?”

I jerked away from the ferocity in his voice, the movement causing radiating waves of pain to sweep through my body, but my voice remained steady and I hissed at him, my anger flowing from me like a burst dam “I didn’t let him do anything. He saw you standing outside and he took advantage of my surprise at seeing you there. If it makes you feel better, all this” I gestured to my head and my body “is because I jerked away from him and fell backwards down the stairs. So if that’s letting someone kiss you than I think you and I have been doing it wrong.”

His smile was small and he whispered “I knew when I saw the two of you kissing” I narrowed my eyes and glared silently at him causing him to say “When I saw him kissing you that you wouldn’t do something like that, even if you were pissed at me.” Jacob’s whole body seemed to vibrate with his emotions and I wondered what was really going on inside his head. Suddenly he got to his feet and started pacing around the room; I watched him as he paced his circular movements causing my head to ache, so closing my eyes I waited for him to work through whatever was going through his mind. It didn’t take long before he stopped moving and opened his mouth to speak, I could see the set lines of his face and I was pretty sure that whatever he was about to so would end in an argument, and as he spoke my thoughts were confirmed “I think that maybe you should change schools, you know, maybe even go to college. You’re definitely smart enough and then we can be together, all day every day and, now that we know you are breakable, then I could keep an eye on you and so could your parents.”

I snarled low and in the back of my throat, drawing his attention back to me. I stood slowly and said “I am not, I repeat not, changing schools. I am not making another new set of friends and I am not going to have you all being over protective because of a little cut on my head. I know you are feeling out of sorts but seriously I can look after myself. I won’t allow you all to treat me like a fragile little flower.” My fury propelled me across the room and I watched myself poke a finger into his chest, I couldn’t stop my voice from rising as my anger mounted. “I have had a really bad day and all you’re worried about is keeping me closer to you, I love you but I need some space. Just like you do but unlike you I won’t keep quiet about it. I refuse to be dictated to, I will take into consideration what you want but considering how screwed up my life has been so far I want so semblance of normality.” The stunned look on Jacob’s face stopped my ranting short; I turned away from him and made a shaky return to the couch where I slumped down feeling drained. I closed my eyes and said softly “I think I need to rest now.” There was no response except the soft closing of the door.

The next few days were some of the worst I had experienced. Jacob barely came home and when he was there he made sure to only be around with me when there were other people nearby. We barely spoke and when we did it was about stupid little things; the weather, my injuries, when Rose and Emmett were coming home; things that had little or no deep meaning. I didn’t know how to fix it and, from the uncomfortable way Jacob was around me and my family, he didn’t know how to fix it either. Three days after my fall Jacob and I were sitting in the lounge room, I was one end of the couch and Jake was the other, when my parents came in. I could tell from the set looks on their faces that they wanted to say something and I readied myself for a fight that I could feel coming. Daddy looked at Mom as if unsure of how to proceed, Mom, in return smile softly before saying “We have been talking and we think that we might have a solution, to what seems to us, to an impasse.” She paused and held out her hand for Daddy to take, she smiled and he took up her train of thought. “We spoke to Carlisle and he called in on the principal of Nessie’s school and he has organised for you to be able to spend every lunch time together.” I moved to the edge of my seat and asked happily “Really? That is excellent.” I smiled warmly and looked over at Jacob who seemed a little less enthused than I would have expected. He rubbed his hand over his face before saying tiredly “Thanks that’d be great. But it doesn’t stop me from worrying about her being away from me for the remainder of that time.” I rolled my eyes and caught Momma doing the same thing; I flashed a quick smile at her before looking back at Jacob. “I can take care of myself Jake, honestly. The fall was an accident and it won’t happen again, I promise. Please, I hate fighting with you and I hate this weirdness, let’s try this and if it doesn’t go well then we can talk about me changing schools.” I held my breath and waited for Jacobs’ answer and when it came he sounded tired and a lot older “Fine, we’ll try it this way but I will only give it two months. If it doesn’t work out then we move to plan B, Ness comes to college and I can keep a close eye on her.” I crawled across the small space between us and threw my arms around his shoulders, kissing his cheek I said “Thanks Jake. You won’t regret it, I swear.” He remained statue-like and whispered “I already do.” before untangling himself from my arms and leaving the room.

Chapter Four

Where have you been?


A full week passed without a single word from Jacob; and even though they tried to help me I could tell that my parents, and to some extent my extended family, were worried about him and my reaction to him not being there. The first couple of days I panicked and I tore apart my room and ranted and raved with such ferocity that Daddy asked Carlisle to give me something to help me sleep, I screamed and cried and eventually Momma told them to leave me alone to deal with all the anger and pain that was building up inside of me. The days after that were a mixture of phone calls to Seth and Leah (both members of Jacobs’ pack who lived nearby) to see if either of them had seen Jake and frantic calls to Jake’s Dad Billy, who seemed utterly unconcerned about his youngest child’s absence, in Forks asking him to ring around and see if Sam (the leader of Jacobs’ pack) or his wife Emily had heard anything. Nobody seemed to know where he was and I was far from convinced of this fact because I knew that they had tested the range a member of the wolf pack could go and not be contacted through the packs telepathy and it was further than 300 miles, so I knew deep down that someone wasn’t telling me the truth. As the week closed I found myself wandering towards Leah and Seth’s house, not that Seth was ever home but I felt that I needed to be near to someone who represented Jake and the next best thing was Seth. It was as I neared the front door that I heard a familiar deep voice and recognised a scent that was as known to me as my own, Jacob! I raced through the front door of the small house and stopped dead at the sight of Jacob with Leah in his big strong arms, his head resting on top of hers and one of his big palms circling her back.

A broken sob escaped my throat and for all its soundlessness it may as well have been a bullet for the effect that it had on the embracing couple. They sprang apart as if an electric current had passed through them, I looked from Leah’s calmly defiant face to Jacobs’ apologetically stunned one and whirled back towards the door, I ignored my name being called and took off at a dead run. I could hear Jake behind me but all I could see when I closed my eyes was Jacob with Leah wrapped within his arms, the pain was so intense that it was robbing me of my breath. He hadn’t been missing, or hurt, or dead; he had been hiding out with Leah because he was a coward. As suddenly as the pain came it turned into anger and I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him. He saw that I had stopped running and he slowed to a stop just out of arms reach. I stood glaring at him, my arms folded over my chest, my heart beating a rapid and angry tattoo inside my chest. I wanted answers but my head was telling me that the answers I wanted were going to hurt just as much as not knowing.

Sucking in a lungful of air I clenched my teeth and growled “How could you do this? Have you been here the whole time? Why disappear and cause me so much pain? If you didn’t want to be with me than all you had to do was say so, I wasn’t going to attack you.” A small humourless laugh escaped my tight control and I bitterly flung my next words at him “I guess now I know so there isn’t any reason to pretend. I hope you and Leah will be happy together, it explains why she never told me where you were.” I watched as pain and confusion crowded his handsome features and I wondered what my life would be like without him in it. The sound of my sobs drove me to move, I couldn’t stand there and have him not say anything, I pushed past him and walked quickly into the street; mindful now of the people that seemed to be milling around. I managed to make it several feet before his large hand gripped my arm and swung me around. I jerked angrily, succeeding in nothing because my arm remained in his grasp; I glared at him and spat “Let me go now!” He shook his head, more a snapping it from one side to another, before saying “No Ness, I’m not letting you go. I don’t understand what is happening here. Why do you look like you haven’t slept the entire time I’ve been away?” I gave a snort of disbelief and said “I look like I haven’t slept because I haven’t not to mention that I had no way of knowing if you were dead, alive, sick or living in Vegas and all this time you’ve been here, with her, probably laughing at me. Were you here the other day when I came by? Or any of the times I’ve called?” My anger was waning and a heavy weight of depression was closing in on me, I felt the tears sliding down my face while trying to stop them. I turned my face away from him and flicked my fingers under my eyes to rid them of the tears burning in them.

I felt him move closer and I deliberately ignored his presence but it is hard to ignore someone as big as Jacob. His fingers slid beneath my chin and raised my face so he could look in my eyes before saying “I didn’t run away, I needed some space and I went on a hunting trip. When I decided to not come back straight away I asked Leah to let you and your family know that I was okay and that there wasn’t anything to be worried about. I only just got back about five minutes before you walked in and when I got here Seth and Leah had been having a massive fight and he stormed out of here after flinging some nasty words at her. I was comforting her when you walked in, nothing else, how could you think that when you know what we share?” I shook my head and said “She never told me anything, in fact neither of them said that they knew where you were, she said that you hadn’t contacted her. I called your Dad; I had him checking with everyone we know to see if you had turned up there, I was so worried that you were hurt.” I hadn’t realised how loud my voice was getting until I turned away from him and noticed that we were drawing a crowd. I growled low, under my breath but my escape was blocked by Jake’s solid form. He bent, almost in half, to look into my eyes and when I turned my face to avoid him he held my face more firmly in his palm. “I am so sorry that you were so worried and trust me that I will be finding out exactly why she didn’t follow my request. There is nothing going on between Leah and I, there could be nothing going on between us even if we wanted it to. I love you and I imprinted on you, no her. I met her before I met you so if I wanted to love her than I would have but I can’t love her in any way other than like a sister because she drives me nuts. You know that, deep down, and if you had’ve waited for an explanation before drawing your own conclusions and racing off you would have noticed that I was touching her in a brotherly sort of way; the way Emmett or Jasper hug you and your Mom. I swear there is nothing going on between Leah and me. Please come back into the house so we can sort this out. Please.” His tone had turned persuasive but my hurt and anger was still raging and I wasn’t going to let go of them so easily, I shook my head and snapped “No! I am not coming back into that house, you go and figure out why she didn’t pass on the message you said you asked her to and when you’re finished getting your stories worked out then maybe you can come and talk to me.” Wrenching my arm from his grip I swivelled on my feet and marched off in the direction I had come.

I was that furious that I didn’t even check to see if he was followed me and honestly I don’t think I cared even if he was. I stomped through the slush that was left from the recent snow fall and let my anger carry me wherever it wanted to. I was surprised to find that my anger had carried me to Harrison’s house and even more surprised when I realised that I had rung the bell and the door was now being opened. I knew that if I put on a quick burst of speed that I could disappear from the doorstep without being seen but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Frina, hey, wow hi!” I smiled quickly to cover my surprise at her being the one to open the door but my surprise was snuffed out when I saw her eyes were full of tears and she was struggling to hold herself together. I sighed, just a small ‘oh’, which was enough for her to sniff before shaking her head and running off, past me, down the steps. I stood staring after her trying to decide if I should follow her or not. My decision was made for me when Harry’s voice, pleading and seriously stressed out, came from the back of the house calling Frina’s name “Free, come back, please. I don’t understand what…. Oh hi Renesmee, what are you doing here? Did you see Frina?”

My anger at him waned; I had been ready to yell at him for hurting Frina because I could see the genuine confusion at her reaction colouring his face. I decided to give him a break and give Frina the chance to cry out her feelings before he went traipsing after her; so I smiled and said “I didn’t see anybody, when I got to the door it was open and I was about to knock when you came out. I was just in the neighbourhood and I thought I’d drop in, is now a bad time?” I heard the flirtatious sound in my voice and I hated it but if it served the purpose than it was worth it but I didn’t miss the widening of his eyes or the increase in his heart beat and I cringed inwardly at his reaction. It took Harry a full three seconds to answer my query and when he did he stumbled over himself to get it out “No it’s not… I was just… Frina… and then… I don’t…” he stopped himself and took a deep breath before saying “No it’s not a bad time, come on in.” I flashed him another smile and wasn’t really surprised at the flicker of lust that entered his eyes. My brain registered that this might be a bad idea for our friendship but my heart overruled my head, saying that it didn’t matter anything that took our mind off Jacob was a good thing, so I followed him into the house.

Once we got inside I lost my nerve and I wanted to leave straight away but my stubborn streak, which according to Daddy I inherited from my Mom, refused to co-operate. Harry seemed just as lost as I was when it came to what to do next, so I said “Wow your house is really nice, can you give me a tour?” anything to defuse the weird vibe that surrounded us. I followed him through the downstairs rooms of his house, not really listening to the commentary he was giving because my mind was back with Jake and Leah. We walked up the stairs that sat to the right of the front door, windows framed the entire staircase so you could look out onto the yard, I really liked this feature and I told him so. Harry seemed embarrassed about the wall of glass saying “I sometimes don’t like it, it makes me feel exposed, you know?” and I spoke without thinking “I know what you mean, it’s like everything you do is watched and there isn’t anywhere to hide.” He nodded, taking heart in the fact that I didn’t think he was a weirdo, before grabbing my hand and tugging me up the staircase. I laughed as he stumbled on a random shoe that had been left lying on the stairs, as I did this I glanced out of the windows and my laughter died. Jake was standing on Harry’s front yard staring through the window at Harry and I as we made our way up the stairs, hand in hand. I gasped and pulled free of Harry before stuttering “Sorry Harry, I just noticed the time, I have to go. See you tomorrow at school.” I saw the confusion on his face before he glanced out the window in Jake’s direction; I saw a speculative gleam enter his eye as he looked back at me. I wasn’t prepared for his next move and it froze me to the spot. Moving back towards me, I thought he was going to walk me outside, he stopped on the step beside me and moving closer he kissed my mouth.

Chapter Three

Destined Love


I awoke the next morning to complete silence, there was no reassuring deep rumble of Jacob snoring and there were no whispers of movement that signalled my parents were at home. As I lay beneath the light deep purple blanket that covered my bed I thought over the night before. Jake had eventually came back inside but he had been distracted and he had avoided my touch with great care. I asked, loudly, my questions over and over again, inside my head, and even the answers I gave myself were unsatisfactory. My inner turmoil hadn’t gone un-noticed but Daddy had refrained on commenting or offering me the slightest insight into what had drawn Jake into his own head. Sighing I pushed back my covers and swung my feet over the edge of my bed, nothing was going to be solved by laying in bed worrying about it; not to mention that I had school and if I was going to hunt for my breakfast before I left than I had better get a move on.

Throwing on a faded pair of blue jeans and a bright blue singlet I searched, and finally located, my thin black cardigan before slipping my feet into my shoes and bounding noiselessly down the stairs and out the front door. Still there was no sign of any of my family, a shiver of fear slid down my spine but I dismissed it as nonsense and focused my attention on finding my breakfast. I hunted quickly and quietly, finding a herd of deer grazing beside a small pond. I leapt through the underbrush and before their senses could alert them I had picked off the one I wanted, bringing it down with little effort. As I sank my teeth into the vein in its neck I felt disappointed in hunting by myself, it was something Jacob and I did together, but as the hot flow of blood coursed into my mouth I shifted my concentration to my breakfast.

Once I was finished I raced back to the house in hopes that Jake, my Mom, or Daddy would be there; they weren’t but Jasper was. I shifted guiltily as I thought about why he would be there and I hesitated briefly before slowing my walk and ambling towards him. He smiled tensely as he caught my mood and said quietly “Nessie I would like to talk to you if that’s okay.” I drew in a deep breath and asked “What’s this about Jazz?” I watched in amazement as he shifted, actually moved from one foot to the other, looking increasingly uncomfortable but he never broke eye contact and I was surprised to see the depth of his emotions shining through the deep amber of his eyes. He cleared his throat and drawled softly “I know what Alice and I interrupted yesterday and I can’t say that I’m sorry. What were you thinking? Your parents would kill Jacob if they found out.” I felt my annoyance grow and I knew he felt it too but I didn’t really care, I was tired of people telling me what it was that I should think or monitoring the way I was feeling. I gritted my teeth and spoke as calmly as I could “I wasn’t thinking, I am eighteen, I don’t think. I was feeling and thanks to you guys nothing happened so what difference does it make?” He smiled, actually more a bearing of his teeth, before saying “It makes a big difference. I don’t want you to get hurt and this could lead to you getting hurt. We love you dearly and if Jacob was any sort of decent human being than he would have treated you better.”

I stood staring, open mouthed, at Jasper while he spoke. I hadn’t heard him say so much in my entire life and the shock of it held my tongue immobile, but only for a second, I scoffed at him and said “Who said that it was Jake’s idea? Actually it was mine and for your information, I think that Jake is the best kind of person; he is loving and caring and would do anything to stop someone from hurting me. Thanks for your concern but honestly it’s misplaced.” I made a move to sweep past him but he moved so quickly that even my eyes missed the movement; he wrapped both his large pale hands around my upper arms and held me still. I raised one dark eyebrow and stared pointedly down at his hands, he didn’t remove them but he loosened his hold before saying softly “I understand what you’re saying but can you honestly say that you are ready for that big a step?” I saw the love shining in his eyes and I sighed deeply before saying “I don’t know but I won’t ever find out unless I’m allowed to make mistakes and judge future events on those mistakes.” I stood on tip toe and kissed his cheek, he let go of my arms and stepped out of my way. I moved passed him into the house, closing the door behind me; I leant my back against the solid wood and let my head fall backwards, it landed with a small thunk, I closed my eyes and considered what he had said. I knew he meant well and I did appreciate the fact that he loved me enough to actually come to me with his concerns but it was driving me crazy to not be able to make the same stupid decisions that other teenagers took for granted.

Shifting away from the door I shook my head to clear my dark thoughts; I was achieving nothing by dreaming of another life and I still had to get ready for school, so I danced up the stairs and into my bathroom where I stripped down and hopped into the shower. I let the pounding spray beat down on the tense muscles in my shoulders, for a tenth of the time I actually wanted it to, before stepping out and towelling myself dry. After putting on my underwear I stared into the mirror above the basin and looked for any visible signs of the changes I could feel within my body; there weren’t any and somehow this didn’t help to settle my jangled nerves. I looked exactly like I had yesterday when I woke up, a normal eighteen year old.

Sighing in abject frustration I reefed the door to my room open and stormed into my bedroom, where I was stopped short by the sight of Jacob lounging on my bed, my feet froze in place and I felt my body jerk to a stop. My eyes sought his only to find that his eyes weren’t looking at my face. I had forgotten that I hadn’t put any clothes on, I stood before him in the scraps of cotton and lace the made up my undergarments, but as embarrassed as I was I made no move to cover myself and he made no effort to move his gaze elsewhere. I watched in confusion as he got to his feet and walked slowly towards me, the look on his face wasn’t one I had ever seen before and I didn’t know what to make of it, I held my breath as he neared me and losing my nerve I dropped my gaze to stare at my feet. I felt a flush of embarrassment heat my skin as time seemed to stretch indefinitely.

Jake stopped in front of me and his warm breath fanned the curtain of hair hiding my face from his eyes “Breathe Renesmee.” He whispered; reaching an unsteady hand out, he raised my face so I had nowhere to look besides at him. Obligingly I drew in a ragged breath, which seemed to cause him pain, he sucked in a sharp breath and I finally lifted my eyes to look into his dark gaze. What I saw caused my heart to thud loudly and unevenly, drawing a small smile onto his gorgeous mouth, the stark desire on his face was impossible to miss. I reached out my hand to touch him but my seeking hand found nothing but empty air, he had moved quickly out of my reach. I felt hurt and I couldn’t stop it from flashing across my face or stop it from trembling on my voice as I asked “What’s the matter Jake?” He shook his head and turned away from me saying “Nothing is the matter. You should get dressed so I can drop you at school. Your parents have gone to school already.” He kept his gaze averted as he walked from my room leaving me standing there in my underwear with my hurt and disappointment for company.

I dressed distractedly and it took me several attempts, I couldn’t help but replay what had happened with Jacob and how weird he had been since Jasper and Alice’s interruption. I hated this odd behaviour, there had never been anything but honesty and openness between us and now all of a sudden there was awkwardness and discomfort. A horrible thought occurred to me as I fumbled into my clothes; maybe it wasn’t so weird, the way he was acting, maybe there was a very good reason for his reaction maybe he didn’t find me attractive and he wasn’t sure how to tell me. My stomach dropped to my toes and I felt my eyes fill with unshed tears as I thought over every time we had had privacy, I was always the one to initiate contact and he was always the one to stop it. ‘Stop it’ I muttered to myself, I knew these thoughts were getting me nowhere and that the only person I could ask was Jacob so I resolved myself to find out what was going on but I knew that I had to figure out a way to do it without pushing Jacob into retreating further. I grabbed my book bag and walked sedately down stairs where he stood by the open door waiting for me.

The drive to school was tense, fraught with unspoken questions; the only sound that filled the small cabin of the car was the throbbing music that flowed from the speakers. I snuck glances at Jake out of the corner of my eye, watching him as he guided the car towards the school, his hands clenched so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles were white. When we pulled into parking lot he didn’t look at me as he spoke, his voice low and terse; his body tense as if he was waiting for a fight “Have a nice day Ness. I’ll see you this afternoon.” I couldn’t answer and as his quick kiss, more a peck than anything, fluttered against my cheek. I remained quiet as I slid from the car and wandered lifelessly into my home room. I felt like a lost sheep all morning and Frina and Harrison had noticed but so far they hadn’t figured out a way to ask what was the matter, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to answer them even if they had been able to voice their questions, they continued to shoot worried looks in my direction as I fumbled through classes I could normally have done in my sleep.

Their silence lasted until our first break where I sat, unusually quiet, gazing into space. It was Frina who broke through my self-imposed exile “This is ridiculous! Renesmee, what is going on? You’re like a zombie, snap out of it.” I jerked as her voice sliced into my brain. I blinked dazedly across the table at the concerned faces of the group who had adopted me and said “Huh?” this elicited several giggles but it only drew a hiss of annoyance from Frina who folded her pale arms across her chest before repeating her earlier statement “You’re like a zombie, snap out of it.” I forced my face into a parody of a smile before saying “Sorry I’m just having one of those days.” She seemed to accept my excuse in front of the rest of the group but as we walked towards our next class she pulled me back, allowing the rest of the group to swarm off towards their respective classes, she waited until she was sure we were alone before saying “If you need to talk, I am here. Is everything ok at home?” I smiled sadly at her before saying “I know I’ve been a little strange today but seriously I am just having one of those days, everything is fine. I promise but thanks for offering, I appreciate it.” I gave her a gentle one armed hug; careful not to squeeze too hard, I felt her return the hug as she said “I am your friend, that’s what friends are for.” I smiled and said “Thanks again Frina.” before we walked towards our next class, talking quietly between ourselves. I was really glad that Frina and Harrison had welcomed me into their little sect apart from the whole group, and it was nice. We had settled into a pattern of friendship that I found easy and relaxed. We had most of our classes together, which made settling into a routine easy, and we spent every lunch laughing with the rest of their group of friends. I had quickly dismissed any thought of them coming to meet my family, I wasn’t ready for the questions, but I was invited to spend the afternoon with Frina or Harrison. To which I said thanks but not yet sighting my need to catch up on school work before I get into trouble at home for putting friends ahead of school. They had nodded their heads as if to say that their parents had similar outlooks on life. So far I had avoided the social bullet of introducing my human friends to my not so human family but for how long was anyone’s guess.

The rest of the day past in a blur of pretending everything was okay and trying to figure out what to do with Jacob. I couldn’t let it go; I just wasn’t wired that way, I never just got over something, if it bugged me I had to figure out a solution. But to this problem I couldn’t see a solution and it was causing me no end of trepidation. As the day drew to a close I felt slightly better knowing that I could ask Jake the answers to my questions and get to the bottom of the issues we were facing, this buoyancy lasted until Frina, Harry and I walked into the car park. My eyes automatically sought the horizon blue of my mini and I felt stunned when I didn’t see it, in its place stood a brilliant sea-blue Mercedes Cabriolet E-Class, and I felt a lead weight settle into the pit of my stomach.

I heard Harry’s hiss of disbelief when Rose stepped from the car, I don’t even think he noticed Emmett sitting quietly in the passenger seat, and I was glad that I hadn’t had any feelings for him other than friendship because his reaction would have crushed my heart. I looked over at the two friends who had walked beside me and I saw looks of envy, annoyance, disbelief and lust (the last coming from Harrison) and I knew that I had to make the introductions otherwise I would come off as rude. So taking a deep breath I forced a smile onto my face and said “Hey Rose. This is Frina and Harrison, my friends, guys this is Rose my uh sister.” If I stumbled over my explanation of Rose neither one seemed to notice as they both greeted Rose with varying degrees of warmth. Rose’s beauty never ceased to amaze me, she had the same pale complexion, amber eyes and model good looks that my entire family had but that is where the similarities ended. Rose was gorgeous, blonde and a body any supermodel would sell her soul for; which if you asked Rose was exactly the price for the way she looked, one soul. I remember when I was little she used to let me brush her hair for her, I could do it for hours and she never once complained and she would even return the favour if I had sat still long enough.

In the split second it took for her to answer, I read in her face that I wouldn’t like the reason she was here, she pasted a smile onto her beautiful lips and greeted both my friends with as much warmth as she was capable of giving strangers. “Hello, I’m pleased to meet you. It’s nice to know she has someone to hang out with; other than us that is.” Her tinkling wind-chime laugh was high and clear and both Frina and Harry seemed stunned by it. I rolled my eyes in her direction trying to convey that she needed to tone it down but she ignored me and continued to speak “Nessie, Mom and Dad asked Emmett and I to get you because Jacob was caught up on campus and wasn’t going to be finished in time to grab you.” At the mention of Em, Harry and Frina glanced towards the ostentatious vehicle and this time it was Frina’s turn to stare at a member of my family. I figured it was easier just to ignore Em and forgo introductions, even if it was rude, and try and escape without too many questions being asked. I moved to stand between my family and my friends, facing Frina and Harrison, and smiled widely saying “Okay guys’ thanks for walking me to the car. I will see you both tomorrow. See ya.” Ignoring their intrigued looks I herded Rose back into her car and sliding into the rear seat I whispered “Please just drive before I scream.” I heard Emmett’s chuckle over the purring of the Mercedes’ finely tuned engine but nothing in it seemed humorous. As we peeled out of the driveway I asked quietly “Where is Jacob?” I noticed the small glance that Rose and Em shot one another before Emmett answered “Don’t know kiddo; all we know is that he left a note asking one of us to pick you up, said he was going hunting.” I smiled painfully and my voice was thick with sarcasm as I said “Oh, well if he left a note then.” My travelling companions heard the sarcasm but both chose to ignore it, I guess hoping that I wouldn’t take my anger out on them for not knowing what I needed to know.

Chapter Two

You can choose your friends but not your family.


We had barely disembarked before I was swept into the hard embraces of my parents. Neither one said anything but I could tell that they had been just as worried about me as Jacob had been. Momma was the first to break the silence. “Renesmee, sweetheart, I am so glad you’re home. I had to restrain your father from going to the school several times to check on you.” Her musical voice was only over-shadowed by the crystalline chuckle that sounded from deep inside her chest. I cocked my head to the side and thought ‘Daddy’ he had the good grace to look embarrassed. I laughed and he said “What kind of a father would I be if I wasn’t worried about my only child on her first day at a new school?” I chuckled again and buried my head against his marble chest saying “You wouldn’t be my Daddy if you didn’t worry about everything. That’s why we love you.” Jake laughed and whatever he thought caused Daddy to narrow his golden eyes and growl, low in his chest, which caused Jake to laugh even more but before I could worry too much Mom stepped in and said “That’s enough.” Putting a hand on Daddy’s chest she concentrated heavily. I had only seen her do this a couple of times and each time a look of absolute wonder and pure love crossed over my father’s face, he nodded slowly as if he had forgotten why he was annoyed in the first place and turned to me saying “I am so glad your first day went so well and your friends seem like nice kids.” I smiled; most kids would be annoyed that their parents took such interest in their lives; I was pleased that they loved me enough to be interested and I simply nodded and said “It looks promising.” Then whirling suddenly both my parents were gone, escaping into the dense forest that bordered our property.

As they darted through the forest edge and were quickly lost within its thick embrace, I was embraced in a more physical sense as Jacob wrapped his arms around my middle and whispered in my ear “Are you hungry?” up until that point I hadn’t thought about my hunger; I found thinking about it made the hunger fiercer, so I chose not to think about it. Jake laughed softly as my stomach rumbled audibly. I grinned sheepishly and said “Give me thirty seconds to put my stuff away and I’ll be back. No running off within out me, even though you know that even with a head start I’d still kick your butt.” I danced away from his seeking hands and giggled as I raced inside. Since we were away from prying eyes I was free to be me and I could move at the speed that was denied to me throughout the day. I sped through the house and once in the sanctity of my room I stripped bare and threw on a faded pair of blue jeans that rode low on my slim hips and a thinly worn smock top in sunflower yellow, I dug out a pair of slip on shoes and was back outside to Jacob within the thirty seconds I promised him. Except Jacob wasn’t there, in his place stood a mountain sized russet brown wolf, its razor sharp teeth showing in what could have been described as a smile and a coughing bark sounded in the quiet clearing. I grinned and ran my fingers through his thick fur, stretching my face closer to his I kissed the fuzzy spot between his eyes and said “Love you Jake.” A soft purring noise, like that of a satisfied cat, was my only reply.

Hunting was always fun with Jake and I wasn’t in my typical competitive frame of mind so I allowed him to beat me in finding a kill quicker. We went back home and neither of us were surprised to find the house in darkness; obviously my parents had decided to hunt further away than we had. I left Jake to pick a movie while I went and showered, I felt gritty from my day at school and the hunt. I luxuriated under the hot steady beat of the shower and washed my hair in the time I took. Once I got out of the shower I took the time to dry my thick hair and braid its length into some semblance of order, by the time I made it back downstairs Jacob had also showered, had popped some popcorn and was waiting for me to pick something for us to watch. I perused the extensive DVD collection my parents had amassed and finally settled on one of my favourites, I opened the cover and was surprised to find it empty. I turned my head to look at Jake when he laughed and said “What’s so funny Jake?” he shook his head and flicked his wrist, a clicking noise sounded and suddenly the dimly lit room was flooded in light as the opening scene of the movie played. He chuckled again and said “I knew that you’d pick this one so I figured I’d save time and just put it in. I don’t know what I’d have done if you had’ve decided to watch something else.” I grinned and crossed the room to snuggle up next to him on the large sofa he had chosen to occupy. I sighed and drew in deep breaths, his luscious smell invading my every sense and an overpowering need assailed me. I have always loved Jake, one of my very first memories was of loving Jacob, but this physical need was something that had manifested quite recently and I was extremely eager to pursue it. The way I figured, an empty house was the best time to do it.

I waited until I knew his interest had been snagged by the movie before I made my move. I lifted the corner of his shirt; which was nothing unusual because if I wanted to ‘speak’ to him, I rarely verbalised it and this showed when he barely moved at the contact, but instead of laying my palm against his skin and letting my thoughts flow I ran it further up his torso and rubbed it across his hard pectorals. This definitely got his attention, even though his pose hadn’t changed his entire body had gone rigidly still and I knew from experience that he had stopped breathing. I leaned closed and whispered “Breathe Jake otherwise you’re gonna pass out on me and that is the last thing I want.” The only sign that he had heard me was the sound of his breath rushing out in a ragged sigh and a soft inhalation. I rose up on my knees and straddled his lap; I leant in and kissed his mouth softly. I wasn’t really sure how to proceed and I didn’t want to spook him. He didn’t respond to that first soft kiss so I moved closer and kissed him a little harder and it was like a switch had flipped; he grabbed my waist and dragged me closer to his hard body, his mouth become the aggressor and I moaned in need. I sighed in longing when he shifted our position and I found myself lying on the sofa with him over me kissing me possessively. This was what I had wanted and I was excited to know that I hadn’t had to push to get it. Neither one of us was in control and it showed when a voice sounded from inside the front door we jolted apart as if shocked and we had enough time to sit up on the sofa before Alice and Jasper entered the room. Disbelief raged through me; how had we gotten so carried away that neither of us heard my family coming or heard them entering the house for that matter. I shot a Jake a quick look but he had slid a mask over his features and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking so I turned my attention back to our interrupters.

I had barely three seconds to prepare myself from the second we heard them enter the house to the moment they walked into the room we occupied but somehow I managed to rearrange my features into a welcoming smile, I was happy to see them because they had been away visiting Peter and Charlotte who were old friends of Jaspers’ and it had been months but I was annoyed that they had chosen that moment to surprise us with a visit. As they breezed into the room I wasn’t surprised to see the concerned look on Jazz’s face but this was the only indication that either of them knew that they had interrupted something. I leapt from the couch and hugged them both hard, though Alice more so than Jasper. I loved Jazz, he was fabulous, but his pupils always dilated with awareness of my blood and I knew that it made him uncomfortable. I stepped back from them and collided with the solid wall of hot muscle that was Jacob. I sucked in a ragged breath as desire raced through my veins. I closed my eyes briefly to try and collect my thoughts, when I opened them I had some control over myself and I grinned at them saying “I am so glad that you’re back, we’ve missed you guys so much. Did you have fun? How are Charlotte and Peter?” I moved slightly away from Jake so I could concentrate on the answers to my questions. Jazz raised one perfect blonde eyebrow before saying “They are the same as ever, their stint in France has made them more aristocratic than ever. Have we missed anything?” His soft drawl was accompanied by a wave of control and my desire and, by the look that Jazz was shooting Jake and the way Jake kept his eyes downcast, Jake’s desires cooled enough for us to entertain our guests.

I wasn’t surprised to hear my parents enter the house barely ten seconds later. Mom came flying through the door and crashed into Alice; hugging her fiercely. Daddy crossed the room more sedately and shook Jaspers’ hand before pulling him into a hug. I always got a comforting feeling from watching my family interact, it made me feel safe. I smiled as the conversation became more detailed but I didn’t miss the silent conversation going on between Alice and Daddy, and I was especially concerned when I saw the small frown crease the skin between his eyebrows but I dismissed it because I knew that if it was overly important that they would share it with the rest of us. I felt a small flash of resentment, over the interruption to Jake and my plans, burn its way into my bloodstream but I quickly quashed it. I was stunned when a vibrating sound came from behind me, I turned in time to see Jake place his cell phone against his ear and say “Hey, nah I’m not busy.” He shot me a smile and walked out of the door. I levelled a quizzical glance on my father and he just shrugged.

Chapter One

Who am I? That’s right I’m a freak.


It’s hard enough being eighteen with all that being eighteen brings but I am finding being it even harder. For starters I’m not your normal average eighteen year old. Actually my entire family is anything but normal. You see I am a vampire hybrid, a Halfling if you want to call me that. My mother, her name is Bella; conceived and carried me while human and my father, his name is Edward, is a vampire. My family has moved around a lot and we had lived in ten different towns since my birth, which was only five years ago. My mother was only pregnant with me for like two months –conception to delivery- my Grandpa, his name is Carlisle, is a doctor and he said that he thinks my accelerated growth was due to the fact that I have twenty-five chromosomal pairs, just another reason to feel like a freak. I am only one of a handful of creatures like me, some would say that this was a call for celebration, that individuality was a good thing; I say that it makes life so much more difficult. I’m not like my family and I’m not like any other humans, I am an oddity, I have a heartbeat, can go out in the sunlight and even eat ‘human’ food but I am incredibly fast, have excellent coordination, and I can drink blood. Our family joke is that we are ‘vegetarian’ because we don’t drink human blood, unless it was donated. I have never actually felt the need to hunt for human blood, I think because that wasn’t appropriate within our family circle.

My vampire family consists of my parents, my Grandparents Carlisle and Esme, two Aunts’, Rose and Alice, and two Uncles’, Emmett and Jasper. Some of my family have special ‘gifts’ that go above and beyond normal vampiric traits. My father can read thoughts as people think them, my Mother is a shield- she can protect her mind from the onslaughts of others, hers is the only mind my father can’t read something that he had never encountered before; Alice can see the future- but she can’t see Werewolves or Halflings, and Jasper has another quite unique gift- he can alter the moods of others and they had no control over it. Momma once said that Daddy had told her that Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme had special gifts too, he had told her that Carlisle’s gift was overwhelming self control and Esme’s was her compassion and loving nature; Emmett has superior strength and Rose has amazing beauty but I have a special ability that no-one else in my family has; I can tell people what I think or feel without saying anything I just have to lay my hand on a piece of their bare skin. Be it a hand or the side of the face. As I said a freak, at first I had to work hard to protect my friends from my ‘gift’ but as I grew I was able to learn to control it. This was something I grasped quickly but in times where my emotions are heightened and I still found it slightly difficult to rein in.

My family portray a humanised life to others, a life that if it was put under a microscope and compared to other families I think we would probably pass as an ordinary, everyday family; besides the fact that we are immortal and we drink blood to survive. Carlisle works in the local hospital (and I am constantly amazed that he was able to withstand the tempting smell of blood while there) Esme worked from home selling things she made over the internet, the others Rose, Em, Alice and Jazz lived here when they were home but at the moment they were away, seeing far off places or something like that. But my home was actually in a house on the same land with my Dad and Mom, who were attending the local collage as part of the pretence we had established for this town. I also have a human family which consists of Charlie and Sue, I do have another set of grandparents but it was safer for them to not know me or have anything to do with our family. There is also someone else who makes up my family, an integral part, and that is my boyfriend Jacob, no boyfriend is too weak a word, Jake is my soul-mate, the one person on this entire planet that I don’t have to be anything but myself with but even that is complicated.

Jake is a werewolf, well not in a Hollywood- human by day creature by night- kind of way; more of a seven foot tall mountain of a human, with gorgeous dark drown (almost black) eyes, hair that is the colour of a raven’s wing and skin like russet coloured silk, shape-shifter kind of way. He is Native American and his tribe have been protecting a part of Washington State known as Forks for forever from the vampire population of the world, see what I mean about complicated. Vampires and werewolves are sworn enemies but Jake and my mother had been very close friends when she was human and that couldn’t be destroyed when she became a vampire; plus there is a weird thing that werewolves do when they find their soul-mates, it’s called imprinting and the minute Jake saw me that was it. It is against tribe rules to kill a member of the packs imprintee. Also the pack has joined forces with my family on more than one occasion to save the people of Forks from the terrors that only some of them can’t imagine. Jake also lives with us.

We have recently moved to North Bend, which is located not far from Seattle, Washington. It’s the last semester of the school year and I am starting my fourth High School in three years and it was here that I am going to be spending the boring hours of the day. I knew that I was only feeling this way because Jake wasn’t attending the same school, he looked too old for High School but just old enough for college. I had made friends quickly enough at the schools that I had attended, more quickly than the rest of my family anyway but it was at this school that my parents had chosen to not attend with me and concentrate on other things. It had made Jake nervous to know that I would be alone for eight hours a day but he knew from experience that I could take care of myself. I may not be have the full strength of a vampire but I am a hell of a lot stronger than any normal human, not to mention my skin had the same impenetrability that other vampire skin had. As I entered my first class of the day I realised that, even though I had done it several times before, being the new student sucked. I couldn’t tell them about me, not really anyway, and what I did tell them was not necessarily a lie but an amalgamation of the truth. I mentally checked myself; my coppery coloured curls were neat and tidy, I let my deep brown eyes flicker down my body making sure that my smallish frame was not exposed in a way that could be embarrassing, thankfully everything was in order and I turned my attention back to my current situation whispering my way through the introduction that Mr Philips, my English teacher, forced me to do and then hurried with as much human speed as possible to an empty desk beside a tall willowy red head, she had a friendly smile and didn’t stare.

I was stunned when after that extremely boring English lesson she hung back to wait for me. I had better luck with making friends than the rest of my family, something to do with my looks, my smell, and the air of vulnerability that I apparently had (according to my father and Carlisle) I figured it was because I didn’t scare the life out of people. I was still sceptical about making what appeared to be a friend this quickly; I was hesitant in starting a conversation with her just in case she hadn’t actually been waiting for me, what if she was just waiting for me to leave the classroom so she could talk privately with the teacher. So I kind of walked away from her, she stuck out her hand and snagged my arm, instinct kicked in and I stopped so as to not pull her arm from its socket. I turned hesitantly and waited for her to speak, this close she had that translucent skin that normally accompanied hair the colour of hers and her eyes were a startlingly vivid green. She smiled widely and I noticed that her perfect smile was marred by the slight chip in her front tooth. “Hi, my name is Frina; sorry I didn’t do the intro thing earlier it’s just that King Philips doesn’t allow talking in his classroom unless you are answering a question.” I smiled and quickly shook her outstretched hand “Hey I’m Renesmee.” I saw her eyebrows rise at my name, a reaction I was used to so I laughed readily and said “Don’t worry you can call me Ness, I only get Renesmee when I am in big trouble.” I was relieved when a small laugh bubbled from her and she said “Crazy parents, hey. Why couldn’t they just call as Mary, or Elizabeth or even Jane?” I smiled in agreement even as the name Jane sent a cold shiver of fear sliding down my spine. The last Jane I had met had tried to kill my entire family so the name struck a fear response within me that would seem silly to the vivacious girl beside me.

We had walked halfway towards our next class, which happened to be chemistry, when we were accosted by a tall well-built boy who appeared to be our age. I shot a side-ways glance at Frina to make sure that she knew this boy who was jumping around us like an over-grown puppy. She rolled her eyes and said “Harrison meet Renesmee, Renesmee this is Harrison Douglas the third and he is a major pain in my butt.” I laughed at the obvious affection that this statement was said with and I smiled up at the bounding boy. “Harry quit that, you’re gonna make me puke if you keep bouncing around like that.” Frina threw one of her books at the bundle of energy that was Harrison Douglas the third but it didn’t prevent him from following us to our next class. I noticed that Frina kept shooting Harry covetous glances and I knew straight away that Frina felt a deeper affection for Harrison than Harrison knew.

We separated as we neared our assigned desks and I wasn’t at all surprised to see that Harrison’s seat was next to Frina’s and that I was suddenly seated next to another stranger. I smiled kindly at the boy who was to be my lab partner. He was of a slight build with a short light brown buzz cut. His eyes were a pale grey and he had a wide mouth with strong facial features. I held out my hand and said “Hey, my name is Ness. What’s yours?” He smiled and I wasn’t really surprised to see the glint of metal that indicated braces as he answered “Neil, my name is Neil Prescott. Pleased to meet you, are you up to date with our syllabus?” I smiled again and nodded, which was all we managed before our teacher walked in. I immediately liked the plump curly headed blonde chemistry teacher, my opinion of her rose even further when she didn’t ask me to stand up and introduce myself.

Chemistry, turned out to be a greatly taught subject and the teacher, Ms Driver, was energetic and made the learning process even more fun. Once the class had ended, and I had packed my belongings into my bag, I waved goodbye to Neil, he was hurrying towards the door, and walked over to the desk that Frina and Harry occupied. They were waiting for me with differing smiles; Frina’s was one of amusement while Harry’s was one of disbelief. I looked at them both with a slightly confused look furrowing my brow, neither one of them actually said anything and I could feel my levels of annoyance rising, I sucked in a calming breath before saying “What? What are you both smiling at?” Harry laughed and shook his head before saying “Nothing much, I’m surprised that Neil could actually speak to you without falling apart; I don’t think that I have ever seen him look at a girl, let alone carry on a conversation with one.” Frina sniggered and I felt myself flush with embarrassment. I chewed the inside of my lower lip and closed my eyes before dropping my head. I looked over at Frina and she nudged Harrison before saying “Stop it Harry! I’m sure Ness is just being kind.” I nodded and said “I happen to think that Neil is a nice guy.” Harry sniggered and said “Sure he is a nice guy, if you’re looking for help with school work but if you’re looking for a boyfriend I’m sure there are better candidates for that position.” His tone left no doubt to the fact that he thought that he would be able to fill that position quite well. I dragged in a stressed out breath and said “There isn’t any position to be filled, because I already have a boyfriend.” They shot one another a look that I had no trouble identifying, it was one that said that they plainly didn’t believe me. I was tempted to dig out my cell from the bottom of my bag and call Jacob to come up to the school to meet them but I really wanted to try and avoid having my two worlds colliding. Instead I shrugged my bag onto my shoulder and gestured towards the door, the gathered their stuff and lead the way towards the cafeteria. My first lunch at this school was exactly the same as lunch at every other school I had been to and I was sure that if I hadn’t had Frina and Harrison to sit with I would probably have felt comfortable enough to try and sit with someone else’s group. The group that Frina and Harrison crossed the floor and sat with was a rather large group and I was surprised that every person there looked up and smiled in greeting at the duo I was following. When they spotted me they paused slightly before smiling and introducing themselves one by one. I felt relaxed and comfortable so the lunch hour passed more quickly than I actually wanted it to, I felt acute disappointment when the bell sounded signalling the end of the only time a kid feels free at school.

The rest of my first day crawled past, I was actually ahead in all of my classes which I was thankful about because it meant that I could go home and spend the time with Jacob instead of cramming to catch up. When the last bell sounded I lingered as long as possible, packing my things up slowly so that Frina and Harrison would have left before I had gotten my act together, I knew that Jacob would be waiting for me and I really didn’t want to try and explain Jake at this point in our friendship. I hadn’t counted on them wanting to make sure that the last couple of hours I had spent in this new school had passed without incident. I actually felt myself cringe when I saw them standing a few feet from the classroom door and I knew by their expressions that I hadn’t been quick enough in smoothing the grimace from my face before they saw me. The hurried over and both touched a arm, kind of herding me towards the parking lot, asking me questions at the same time, causing their words to jumble together in a mess of syllables. I shook my head and laughed which stopped both of their chatter and I said softly “If either of you want me to answer your questions I need to be able to understand the things you’re asking.” Frina laughed and asked “So are you like way behind? I saw the frown on your face. If you need the help I’m sure Grace would be more than happy to help.” Seeing the slight pinching around my eyes, mainly at the thought of having a tutor who would want to come to my home and want to meet my family and then talk about them to the others made me uncomfortable, and misunderstanding the cause Harry spoke “You met Grace, she was sitting next to Frina at lunch.” I saw the flash of a slight Asian girl with a flowing mane of silky black hair that hung below her waist and eyes that flashed with keen intelligence in my minds’ eye and cringed inwardly at the idea of inviting this exceptionally bright girl into a house full of secrets; so I hurriedly spoke up, interrupting their plans of asking Grace to tutor me “No! I don’t need tutoring; actually I had just completed this research at my last school so I am actually ahead. I was thinking about other things when I saw the pair of you. Thank you for your concern but it isn’t something that either of you could help with.” Seeing their faces relax I smiled and said “Let’s go before they lock us in here and we have to spend more time here than we are already forced to do.” I forced out a small laugh and they copied it after a split second. I wasn’t oblivious to the looks they shot one another or the ones they shot me when they thought I wasn’t looking so I just chose to ignore it.

We made it outside where only a handful of cars were left in the once overflowing car park. I was grateful to see that for my first day Jake had made a conscious effort to remain inconspicuous and he had driven my pale blue Mini-Cooper convertible to pick me up, instead of the sleek black Harley Davison CVO Fat Bob motorcycle he normally preferred. I was even more relieved that Carlisle had insisted on the darkest tint that was legally available being put on the windows, mainly because it hid Jacob from the probing stares of my new friends. As we walked further into the parking lot I walked towards my car and they followed. As we neared the car the music from inside could be heard clearly. Harry stared quizzically at me saying “Ness, there is someone inside your car.” I laughed and said “Yeah its Jake, my boyfriend.” The two high-schoolers nodded slowly and waved absently as they continued slowly towards the green utility parked a dozen spaces down. I waved as I opened the passenger door and slid inside the relative warmth of the compact car. I had barely closed the door before I was gathered close and wrapped in the large arms of my love. “How was your day sweetheart?” I sighed and snuggled closer to his broad chest. “It went better than I expected but you know I never enjoy the interrogation phase of the first day, there was an upside though.” I smiled and nodded towards the disappearing utility; Jake pulled back and smiled warmly down at me encouraging me to continue. “They were so nice to me Jake, welcomed me into their group without any questions that I couldn’t answer.” Jake grinned and said “I am so glad that you had a good day Nessie. I was worried about you.” I laughed and kissed his jaw, saying “Jake you should know better than to worry about me, I can take care of myself.”

A cloud flittered across his dark eyes and a frown creased the skin between his eyes. He leant closer and rested his forehead against mine. I breathed in the scent that was uniquely his and I asked softly “Jake what’s the matter?” He shook his head before saying “I may not have to worry about you Nessie but I do and always will. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you and I find it hard knowing you are alone every day for hours.” I chuckled, wrapping my arms tightly around his upper body “I understand how hard it is for you Jake but in all seriousness I am in no danger, especially not from the people I met today.” I sat back further into my seat and said “I think we better go home before my parents send out a search party for us.” I watched Jake from the corner of my eye, the frown that marred his perfect forehead hadn’t left but he chuckled and twisted the key in the ignition; bring the engine to purring life. We drove the entire way home in comfortable silence, which was helped by the fact that I had rested my hand in his and had let the tight control on my ‘gift’ slide, showing him the events of the day. I could tell that something bothered him but with Jake you couldn’t push, if he wanted to tell you something he had to work up to it. So I waited, it wasn’t until we had almost reached our turn off that he said “So, Harrison, he seems like a nice kid.” I nodded and waited for him to finish but he didn’t and I was left wondering where he had been headed. But before I could answer we had stopped and he was getting out of the drivers’ seat. I pushed my thoughts from my mind in the vein attempt that my father wouldn’t hear them.