Chapter Three

Destined Love


I awoke the next morning to complete silence, there was no reassuring deep rumble of Jacob snoring and there were no whispers of movement that signalled my parents were at home. As I lay beneath the light deep purple blanket that covered my bed I thought over the night before. Jake had eventually came back inside but he had been distracted and he had avoided my touch with great care. I asked, loudly, my questions over and over again, inside my head, and even the answers I gave myself were unsatisfactory. My inner turmoil hadn’t gone un-noticed but Daddy had refrained on commenting or offering me the slightest insight into what had drawn Jake into his own head. Sighing I pushed back my covers and swung my feet over the edge of my bed, nothing was going to be solved by laying in bed worrying about it; not to mention that I had school and if I was going to hunt for my breakfast before I left than I had better get a move on.

Throwing on a faded pair of blue jeans and a bright blue singlet I searched, and finally located, my thin black cardigan before slipping my feet into my shoes and bounding noiselessly down the stairs and out the front door. Still there was no sign of any of my family, a shiver of fear slid down my spine but I dismissed it as nonsense and focused my attention on finding my breakfast. I hunted quickly and quietly, finding a herd of deer grazing beside a small pond. I leapt through the underbrush and before their senses could alert them I had picked off the one I wanted, bringing it down with little effort. As I sank my teeth into the vein in its neck I felt disappointed in hunting by myself, it was something Jacob and I did together, but as the hot flow of blood coursed into my mouth I shifted my concentration to my breakfast.

Once I was finished I raced back to the house in hopes that Jake, my Mom, or Daddy would be there; they weren’t but Jasper was. I shifted guiltily as I thought about why he would be there and I hesitated briefly before slowing my walk and ambling towards him. He smiled tensely as he caught my mood and said quietly “Nessie I would like to talk to you if that’s okay.” I drew in a deep breath and asked “What’s this about Jazz?” I watched in amazement as he shifted, actually moved from one foot to the other, looking increasingly uncomfortable but he never broke eye contact and I was surprised to see the depth of his emotions shining through the deep amber of his eyes. He cleared his throat and drawled softly “I know what Alice and I interrupted yesterday and I can’t say that I’m sorry. What were you thinking? Your parents would kill Jacob if they found out.” I felt my annoyance grow and I knew he felt it too but I didn’t really care, I was tired of people telling me what it was that I should think or monitoring the way I was feeling. I gritted my teeth and spoke as calmly as I could “I wasn’t thinking, I am eighteen, I don’t think. I was feeling and thanks to you guys nothing happened so what difference does it make?” He smiled, actually more a bearing of his teeth, before saying “It makes a big difference. I don’t want you to get hurt and this could lead to you getting hurt. We love you dearly and if Jacob was any sort of decent human being than he would have treated you better.”

I stood staring, open mouthed, at Jasper while he spoke. I hadn’t heard him say so much in my entire life and the shock of it held my tongue immobile, but only for a second, I scoffed at him and said “Who said that it was Jake’s idea? Actually it was mine and for your information, I think that Jake is the best kind of person; he is loving and caring and would do anything to stop someone from hurting me. Thanks for your concern but honestly it’s misplaced.” I made a move to sweep past him but he moved so quickly that even my eyes missed the movement; he wrapped both his large pale hands around my upper arms and held me still. I raised one dark eyebrow and stared pointedly down at his hands, he didn’t remove them but he loosened his hold before saying softly “I understand what you’re saying but can you honestly say that you are ready for that big a step?” I saw the love shining in his eyes and I sighed deeply before saying “I don’t know but I won’t ever find out unless I’m allowed to make mistakes and judge future events on those mistakes.” I stood on tip toe and kissed his cheek, he let go of my arms and stepped out of my way. I moved passed him into the house, closing the door behind me; I leant my back against the solid wood and let my head fall backwards, it landed with a small thunk, I closed my eyes and considered what he had said. I knew he meant well and I did appreciate the fact that he loved me enough to actually come to me with his concerns but it was driving me crazy to not be able to make the same stupid decisions that other teenagers took for granted.

Shifting away from the door I shook my head to clear my dark thoughts; I was achieving nothing by dreaming of another life and I still had to get ready for school, so I danced up the stairs and into my bathroom where I stripped down and hopped into the shower. I let the pounding spray beat down on the tense muscles in my shoulders, for a tenth of the time I actually wanted it to, before stepping out and towelling myself dry. After putting on my underwear I stared into the mirror above the basin and looked for any visible signs of the changes I could feel within my body; there weren’t any and somehow this didn’t help to settle my jangled nerves. I looked exactly like I had yesterday when I woke up, a normal eighteen year old.

Sighing in abject frustration I reefed the door to my room open and stormed into my bedroom, where I was stopped short by the sight of Jacob lounging on my bed, my feet froze in place and I felt my body jerk to a stop. My eyes sought his only to find that his eyes weren’t looking at my face. I had forgotten that I hadn’t put any clothes on, I stood before him in the scraps of cotton and lace the made up my undergarments, but as embarrassed as I was I made no move to cover myself and he made no effort to move his gaze elsewhere. I watched in confusion as he got to his feet and walked slowly towards me, the look on his face wasn’t one I had ever seen before and I didn’t know what to make of it, I held my breath as he neared me and losing my nerve I dropped my gaze to stare at my feet. I felt a flush of embarrassment heat my skin as time seemed to stretch indefinitely.

Jake stopped in front of me and his warm breath fanned the curtain of hair hiding my face from his eyes “Breathe Renesmee.” He whispered; reaching an unsteady hand out, he raised my face so I had nowhere to look besides at him. Obligingly I drew in a ragged breath, which seemed to cause him pain, he sucked in a sharp breath and I finally lifted my eyes to look into his dark gaze. What I saw caused my heart to thud loudly and unevenly, drawing a small smile onto his gorgeous mouth, the stark desire on his face was impossible to miss. I reached out my hand to touch him but my seeking hand found nothing but empty air, he had moved quickly out of my reach. I felt hurt and I couldn’t stop it from flashing across my face or stop it from trembling on my voice as I asked “What’s the matter Jake?” He shook his head and turned away from me saying “Nothing is the matter. You should get dressed so I can drop you at school. Your parents have gone to school already.” He kept his gaze averted as he walked from my room leaving me standing there in my underwear with my hurt and disappointment for company.

I dressed distractedly and it took me several attempts, I couldn’t help but replay what had happened with Jacob and how weird he had been since Jasper and Alice’s interruption. I hated this odd behaviour, there had never been anything but honesty and openness between us and now all of a sudden there was awkwardness and discomfort. A horrible thought occurred to me as I fumbled into my clothes; maybe it wasn’t so weird, the way he was acting, maybe there was a very good reason for his reaction maybe he didn’t find me attractive and he wasn’t sure how to tell me. My stomach dropped to my toes and I felt my eyes fill with unshed tears as I thought over every time we had had privacy, I was always the one to initiate contact and he was always the one to stop it. ‘Stop it’ I muttered to myself, I knew these thoughts were getting me nowhere and that the only person I could ask was Jacob so I resolved myself to find out what was going on but I knew that I had to figure out a way to do it without pushing Jacob into retreating further. I grabbed my book bag and walked sedately down stairs where he stood by the open door waiting for me.

The drive to school was tense, fraught with unspoken questions; the only sound that filled the small cabin of the car was the throbbing music that flowed from the speakers. I snuck glances at Jake out of the corner of my eye, watching him as he guided the car towards the school, his hands clenched so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles were white. When we pulled into parking lot he didn’t look at me as he spoke, his voice low and terse; his body tense as if he was waiting for a fight “Have a nice day Ness. I’ll see you this afternoon.” I couldn’t answer and as his quick kiss, more a peck than anything, fluttered against my cheek. I remained quiet as I slid from the car and wandered lifelessly into my home room. I felt like a lost sheep all morning and Frina and Harrison had noticed but so far they hadn’t figured out a way to ask what was the matter, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to answer them even if they had been able to voice their questions, they continued to shoot worried looks in my direction as I fumbled through classes I could normally have done in my sleep.

Their silence lasted until our first break where I sat, unusually quiet, gazing into space. It was Frina who broke through my self-imposed exile “This is ridiculous! Renesmee, what is going on? You’re like a zombie, snap out of it.” I jerked as her voice sliced into my brain. I blinked dazedly across the table at the concerned faces of the group who had adopted me and said “Huh?” this elicited several giggles but it only drew a hiss of annoyance from Frina who folded her pale arms across her chest before repeating her earlier statement “You’re like a zombie, snap out of it.” I forced my face into a parody of a smile before saying “Sorry I’m just having one of those days.” She seemed to accept my excuse in front of the rest of the group but as we walked towards our next class she pulled me back, allowing the rest of the group to swarm off towards their respective classes, she waited until she was sure we were alone before saying “If you need to talk, I am here. Is everything ok at home?” I smiled sadly at her before saying “I know I’ve been a little strange today but seriously I am just having one of those days, everything is fine. I promise but thanks for offering, I appreciate it.” I gave her a gentle one armed hug; careful not to squeeze too hard, I felt her return the hug as she said “I am your friend, that’s what friends are for.” I smiled and said “Thanks again Frina.” before we walked towards our next class, talking quietly between ourselves. I was really glad that Frina and Harrison had welcomed me into their little sect apart from the whole group, and it was nice. We had settled into a pattern of friendship that I found easy and relaxed. We had most of our classes together, which made settling into a routine easy, and we spent every lunch laughing with the rest of their group of friends. I had quickly dismissed any thought of them coming to meet my family, I wasn’t ready for the questions, but I was invited to spend the afternoon with Frina or Harrison. To which I said thanks but not yet sighting my need to catch up on school work before I get into trouble at home for putting friends ahead of school. They had nodded their heads as if to say that their parents had similar outlooks on life. So far I had avoided the social bullet of introducing my human friends to my not so human family but for how long was anyone’s guess.

The rest of the day past in a blur of pretending everything was okay and trying to figure out what to do with Jacob. I couldn’t let it go; I just wasn’t wired that way, I never just got over something, if it bugged me I had to figure out a solution. But to this problem I couldn’t see a solution and it was causing me no end of trepidation. As the day drew to a close I felt slightly better knowing that I could ask Jake the answers to my questions and get to the bottom of the issues we were facing, this buoyancy lasted until Frina, Harry and I walked into the car park. My eyes automatically sought the horizon blue of my mini and I felt stunned when I didn’t see it, in its place stood a brilliant sea-blue Mercedes Cabriolet E-Class, and I felt a lead weight settle into the pit of my stomach.

I heard Harry’s hiss of disbelief when Rose stepped from the car, I don’t even think he noticed Emmett sitting quietly in the passenger seat, and I was glad that I hadn’t had any feelings for him other than friendship because his reaction would have crushed my heart. I looked over at the two friends who had walked beside me and I saw looks of envy, annoyance, disbelief and lust (the last coming from Harrison) and I knew that I had to make the introductions otherwise I would come off as rude. So taking a deep breath I forced a smile onto my face and said “Hey Rose. This is Frina and Harrison, my friends, guys this is Rose my uh sister.” If I stumbled over my explanation of Rose neither one seemed to notice as they both greeted Rose with varying degrees of warmth. Rose’s beauty never ceased to amaze me, she had the same pale complexion, amber eyes and model good looks that my entire family had but that is where the similarities ended. Rose was gorgeous, blonde and a body any supermodel would sell her soul for; which if you asked Rose was exactly the price for the way she looked, one soul. I remember when I was little she used to let me brush her hair for her, I could do it for hours and she never once complained and she would even return the favour if I had sat still long enough.

In the split second it took for her to answer, I read in her face that I wouldn’t like the reason she was here, she pasted a smile onto her beautiful lips and greeted both my friends with as much warmth as she was capable of giving strangers. “Hello, I’m pleased to meet you. It’s nice to know she has someone to hang out with; other than us that is.” Her tinkling wind-chime laugh was high and clear and both Frina and Harry seemed stunned by it. I rolled my eyes in her direction trying to convey that she needed to tone it down but she ignored me and continued to speak “Nessie, Mom and Dad asked Emmett and I to get you because Jacob was caught up on campus and wasn’t going to be finished in time to grab you.” At the mention of Em, Harry and Frina glanced towards the ostentatious vehicle and this time it was Frina’s turn to stare at a member of my family. I figured it was easier just to ignore Em and forgo introductions, even if it was rude, and try and escape without too many questions being asked. I moved to stand between my family and my friends, facing Frina and Harrison, and smiled widely saying “Okay guys’ thanks for walking me to the car. I will see you both tomorrow. See ya.” Ignoring their intrigued looks I herded Rose back into her car and sliding into the rear seat I whispered “Please just drive before I scream.” I heard Emmett’s chuckle over the purring of the Mercedes’ finely tuned engine but nothing in it seemed humorous. As we peeled out of the driveway I asked quietly “Where is Jacob?” I noticed the small glance that Rose and Em shot one another before Emmett answered “Don’t know kiddo; all we know is that he left a note asking one of us to pick you up, said he was going hunting.” I smiled painfully and my voice was thick with sarcasm as I said “Oh, well if he left a note then.” My travelling companions heard the sarcasm but both chose to ignore it, I guess hoping that I wouldn’t take my anger out on them for not knowing what I needed to know.