Chapter Four

Where have you been?


A full week passed without a single word from Jacob; and even though they tried to help me I could tell that my parents, and to some extent my extended family, were worried about him and my reaction to him not being there. The first couple of days I panicked and I tore apart my room and ranted and raved with such ferocity that Daddy asked Carlisle to give me something to help me sleep, I screamed and cried and eventually Momma told them to leave me alone to deal with all the anger and pain that was building up inside of me. The days after that were a mixture of phone calls to Seth and Leah (both members of Jacobs’ pack who lived nearby) to see if either of them had seen Jake and frantic calls to Jake’s Dad Billy, who seemed utterly unconcerned about his youngest child’s absence, in Forks asking him to ring around and see if Sam (the leader of Jacobs’ pack) or his wife Emily had heard anything. Nobody seemed to know where he was and I was far from convinced of this fact because I knew that they had tested the range a member of the wolf pack could go and not be contacted through the packs telepathy and it was further than 300 miles, so I knew deep down that someone wasn’t telling me the truth. As the week closed I found myself wandering towards Leah and Seth’s house, not that Seth was ever home but I felt that I needed to be near to someone who represented Jake and the next best thing was Seth. It was as I neared the front door that I heard a familiar deep voice and recognised a scent that was as known to me as my own, Jacob! I raced through the front door of the small house and stopped dead at the sight of Jacob with Leah in his big strong arms, his head resting on top of hers and one of his big palms circling her back.

A broken sob escaped my throat and for all its soundlessness it may as well have been a bullet for the effect that it had on the embracing couple. They sprang apart as if an electric current had passed through them, I looked from Leah’s calmly defiant face to Jacobs’ apologetically stunned one and whirled back towards the door, I ignored my name being called and took off at a dead run. I could hear Jake behind me but all I could see when I closed my eyes was Jacob with Leah wrapped within his arms, the pain was so intense that it was robbing me of my breath. He hadn’t been missing, or hurt, or dead; he had been hiding out with Leah because he was a coward. As suddenly as the pain came it turned into anger and I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him. He saw that I had stopped running and he slowed to a stop just out of arms reach. I stood glaring at him, my arms folded over my chest, my heart beating a rapid and angry tattoo inside my chest. I wanted answers but my head was telling me that the answers I wanted were going to hurt just as much as not knowing.

Sucking in a lungful of air I clenched my teeth and growled “How could you do this? Have you been here the whole time? Why disappear and cause me so much pain? If you didn’t want to be with me than all you had to do was say so, I wasn’t going to attack you.” A small humourless laugh escaped my tight control and I bitterly flung my next words at him “I guess now I know so there isn’t any reason to pretend. I hope you and Leah will be happy together, it explains why she never told me where you were.” I watched as pain and confusion crowded his handsome features and I wondered what my life would be like without him in it. The sound of my sobs drove me to move, I couldn’t stand there and have him not say anything, I pushed past him and walked quickly into the street; mindful now of the people that seemed to be milling around. I managed to make it several feet before his large hand gripped my arm and swung me around. I jerked angrily, succeeding in nothing because my arm remained in his grasp; I glared at him and spat “Let me go now!” He shook his head, more a snapping it from one side to another, before saying “No Ness, I’m not letting you go. I don’t understand what is happening here. Why do you look like you haven’t slept the entire time I’ve been away?” I gave a snort of disbelief and said “I look like I haven’t slept because I haven’t not to mention that I had no way of knowing if you were dead, alive, sick or living in Vegas and all this time you’ve been here, with her, probably laughing at me. Were you here the other day when I came by? Or any of the times I’ve called?” My anger was waning and a heavy weight of depression was closing in on me, I felt the tears sliding down my face while trying to stop them. I turned my face away from him and flicked my fingers under my eyes to rid them of the tears burning in them.

I felt him move closer and I deliberately ignored his presence but it is hard to ignore someone as big as Jacob. His fingers slid beneath my chin and raised my face so he could look in my eyes before saying “I didn’t run away, I needed some space and I went on a hunting trip. When I decided to not come back straight away I asked Leah to let you and your family know that I was okay and that there wasn’t anything to be worried about. I only just got back about five minutes before you walked in and when I got here Seth and Leah had been having a massive fight and he stormed out of here after flinging some nasty words at her. I was comforting her when you walked in, nothing else, how could you think that when you know what we share?” I shook my head and said “She never told me anything, in fact neither of them said that they knew where you were, she said that you hadn’t contacted her. I called your Dad; I had him checking with everyone we know to see if you had turned up there, I was so worried that you were hurt.” I hadn’t realised how loud my voice was getting until I turned away from him and noticed that we were drawing a crowd. I growled low, under my breath but my escape was blocked by Jake’s solid form. He bent, almost in half, to look into my eyes and when I turned my face to avoid him he held my face more firmly in his palm. “I am so sorry that you were so worried and trust me that I will be finding out exactly why she didn’t follow my request. There is nothing going on between Leah and I, there could be nothing going on between us even if we wanted it to. I love you and I imprinted on you, no her. I met her before I met you so if I wanted to love her than I would have but I can’t love her in any way other than like a sister because she drives me nuts. You know that, deep down, and if you had’ve waited for an explanation before drawing your own conclusions and racing off you would have noticed that I was touching her in a brotherly sort of way; the way Emmett or Jasper hug you and your Mom. I swear there is nothing going on between Leah and me. Please come back into the house so we can sort this out. Please.” His tone had turned persuasive but my hurt and anger was still raging and I wasn’t going to let go of them so easily, I shook my head and snapped “No! I am not coming back into that house, you go and figure out why she didn’t pass on the message you said you asked her to and when you’re finished getting your stories worked out then maybe you can come and talk to me.” Wrenching my arm from his grip I swivelled on my feet and marched off in the direction I had come.

I was that furious that I didn’t even check to see if he was followed me and honestly I don’t think I cared even if he was. I stomped through the slush that was left from the recent snow fall and let my anger carry me wherever it wanted to. I was surprised to find that my anger had carried me to Harrison’s house and even more surprised when I realised that I had rung the bell and the door was now being opened. I knew that if I put on a quick burst of speed that I could disappear from the doorstep without being seen but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Frina, hey, wow hi!” I smiled quickly to cover my surprise at her being the one to open the door but my surprise was snuffed out when I saw her eyes were full of tears and she was struggling to hold herself together. I sighed, just a small ‘oh’, which was enough for her to sniff before shaking her head and running off, past me, down the steps. I stood staring after her trying to decide if I should follow her or not. My decision was made for me when Harry’s voice, pleading and seriously stressed out, came from the back of the house calling Frina’s name “Free, come back, please. I don’t understand what…. Oh hi Renesmee, what are you doing here? Did you see Frina?”

My anger at him waned; I had been ready to yell at him for hurting Frina because I could see the genuine confusion at her reaction colouring his face. I decided to give him a break and give Frina the chance to cry out her feelings before he went traipsing after her; so I smiled and said “I didn’t see anybody, when I got to the door it was open and I was about to knock when you came out. I was just in the neighbourhood and I thought I’d drop in, is now a bad time?” I heard the flirtatious sound in my voice and I hated it but if it served the purpose than it was worth it but I didn’t miss the widening of his eyes or the increase in his heart beat and I cringed inwardly at his reaction. It took Harry a full three seconds to answer my query and when he did he stumbled over himself to get it out “No it’s not… I was just… Frina… and then… I don’t…” he stopped himself and took a deep breath before saying “No it’s not a bad time, come on in.” I flashed him another smile and wasn’t really surprised at the flicker of lust that entered his eyes. My brain registered that this might be a bad idea for our friendship but my heart overruled my head, saying that it didn’t matter anything that took our mind off Jacob was a good thing, so I followed him into the house.

Once we got inside I lost my nerve and I wanted to leave straight away but my stubborn streak, which according to Daddy I inherited from my Mom, refused to co-operate. Harry seemed just as lost as I was when it came to what to do next, so I said “Wow your house is really nice, can you give me a tour?” anything to defuse the weird vibe that surrounded us. I followed him through the downstairs rooms of his house, not really listening to the commentary he was giving because my mind was back with Jake and Leah. We walked up the stairs that sat to the right of the front door, windows framed the entire staircase so you could look out onto the yard, I really liked this feature and I told him so. Harry seemed embarrassed about the wall of glass saying “I sometimes don’t like it, it makes me feel exposed, you know?” and I spoke without thinking “I know what you mean, it’s like everything you do is watched and there isn’t anywhere to hide.” He nodded, taking heart in the fact that I didn’t think he was a weirdo, before grabbing my hand and tugging me up the staircase. I laughed as he stumbled on a random shoe that had been left lying on the stairs, as I did this I glanced out of the windows and my laughter died. Jake was standing on Harry’s front yard staring through the window at Harry and I as we made our way up the stairs, hand in hand. I gasped and pulled free of Harry before stuttering “Sorry Harry, I just noticed the time, I have to go. See you tomorrow at school.” I saw the confusion on his face before he glanced out the window in Jake’s direction; I saw a speculative gleam enter his eye as he looked back at me. I wasn’t prepared for his next move and it froze me to the spot. Moving back towards me, I thought he was going to walk me outside, he stopped on the step beside me and moving closer he kissed my mouth.