Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Here Comes The Bride… Sort Of

Not all of my misgivings had disappeared but my anxiousness had diminished slightly since finding the dress. It was like the dress had been a piece of the puzzle and now all the other pieces were falling into place. Jacob and I were spending more time together, if that was possible, and our loving aura wasn’t always welcome in the home. So we found ourselves running through the forest until we found a quiet spot, a tiny little alcove with its own little waterfall. It was here that we spent the time alone that we had together. It was peaceful and far enough away from everyone that we didn’t bother them. The date we had set was only a week away and all of our families were going to be there, it never ceased to amaze me just what having limitless resources could achieve, whatever problem had cropped up Alice had literally thrown money at it and they seemed to disappear; no seats on flights, money thrown problem gone, the hall we wanted to rent out, booked, money thrown problem solved, I felt guilty because of the people that this had disadvantaged but Alice drew me aside and said “Ness do you seriously think that I didn’t make other arrangements for the people who we, well I guess, shafted is the word to use? How heartless do you think I am?” I spluttered and apologised, feeling bad that I had thought that she could be so thoughtless.

The wedding was prowling closer and closer and with every passing day I felt more tense and anxious. Two days before the wedding, and a week before Christmas, I found myself alone in Jacob’s and my special spot, I was lying on the edge of the tiny pool watching the waterfall splash noisily into the surrounding stillness, rippling outward in concentric circles. I was contemplating this when I heard the sound of running feet, I sat still and sniffed the air. I recognised the scent and flopped back down into my reclining position. I lay still and waited for my hunter to find me. He broke through the underbrush to my right and I watched through half closed lids as he stalked closer. I held my breath and waited for him to reach me, my heart, ignoring my command to remain beating at a normal rate, began racing at the thought of him touching my skin. I refused to open my eyes and I achieved this until I felt the first light touches of his hand on the side of my neck. I cracked open one eye in time to see his gorgeous face blur as he leant forward and kissed my cheek softly. I felt my breathing hitch in my chest and I knew he had heard it because he chuckled and continued his gentle assault. I rolled onto my back and opened my arms welcoming him into my embrace, he smiled down into my, now open, eyes and said “Hey honey, how was your day?”

I laughed, the question was so old fashioned and I wasn’t expecting it, and said “Long, I missed you. I didn’t think you finished until later this afternoon.” He was placing small kisses along my jaw line as I was speaking but he paused and said “Ness it’s almost dusk.” His reply surprised me, I hadn’t realised that I had been laying here for as long as I had. “Oh well then I guess we better be heading home soon.” I sensed his reluctance and pulled him closer, he groaned and whispered in my ear “I better move away from you, we both agreed to not, you know, until the wedding. I already put you at risk once and I won’t do it again until... well I won’t do it again.” He sounded so sincere that I nodded in agreement; my brain was agreeing with him but apparently my body had stopped listening to me, my hands rubbed along the smooth muscles of his back, pulling him closer. I kissed his mouth and groaned when his tongue swept the seal of my lips, I opened to him and whispered his name, pin-pricks of colour burst behind my closed eyelids and the warmth we generated could probably have kept a small village warm during the dead of winter.

Afterwards we lay cuddled in each others’ embrace, I knew he regretted the fact that we hadn’t waited until the wedding but I knew that two days wasn’t going to make a big difference. My brain had realised something that I know my heart had already know for some time, I wanted to marry Jacob and be his wife and have his children. There was nothing else in the world that I wanted more. I closed my eyes and relaxed the tight hold on my thoughts that I had been exercising, I wasn’t afraid of getting married or starting a family, Jake and I had forever (literally) together and there wasn’t anyone else I wanted to spend that time with, there had never been anyone else. I heard a chuckle rumble through Jacob and I lifted my head to look questioningly at him, he saw my look and said “About time Renesmee.” Stunned I sat up straighter and said “About time for what?” He pulled my face closer to his and said “About time that you finally realise that this marriage isn’t a death sentence, it’s a celebration, and about time that you decided to tell me about your concerns.” I moved my away from his bare skin and whispered dejectedly “You’ve just seen everything that I’ve tried to hide since your Dad died, haven’t you?” He smiled sadly and said “Yeah, why didn’t you tell me you were scared? You should never feel you need to hide things from me. We are soul mates Nessie and there is no tomorrow for me without you, so promise me no more secrets. If you have a fear, tell me about it and I’ll try to help you get past it.” I nodded and said “I am excited about the wedding and I promise no more secrets from now on.” He grinned at me and pulled me closer, the spark in his eyes burnt away the last tiny feelings of hesitation that I was feeling and suddenly all I was left feeling was nervousness. I was getting married in 48 hours.

I woke bright and early the next morning, I checked the watch on my wrist, a present from Jake on my last birthday; it read just before five in the morning. I bounded down the stairs and out of my parents’ house, I knew they weren’t asleep but I knew Jacob was and I didn’t want to wake him. I took off towards Carlisle and Esme’s house; I wanted to talk to Carlisle about something that had occurred to me in the tiny hours of the morning while my parents had been hunting. I broke through the trees near their house and wasn’t at all surprised to see Carlisle waiting for me, he opened his arms and I raced into them for a quick hug. He smiled down at me and kissed my cheek softly, I asked “How did you know I was coming?” and before he could say anything I said “Alice!” he laughed and said “Yeah, she was checking something and suddenly she couldn’t see anyone, so we figured...” I laughed and said “Yeah, sorry about that. I hope it wasn’t anything too important that she was looking for, because I can come back later if you’d prefer.” He reached down and grabbed my hand and every one of my jumbled thoughts raced into his head, his eyebrows rose and his perfect brow creased before he said “I hadn’t thought about that, let’s go and see if we can find out. We had a surprise guest arrive last night.” I crinkled my forehead and gingerly sniffed the air. The scent wasn’t one that I recognised, well not in the sense that I could tell who it belonged to but I knew that I had smelt it before. Since I was already holding Carlisle hand he heard the question within my mind and said “Nahuel arrived about three hours ago, your parents are already here. If you want privacy to ask your questions then I suggest that the three of us go for a hunt and we will have relative privacy.” I knew he meant that no matter how far away we got Daddy would still know what we discussed and I said to him “That’s okay, Daddy would be the person I went to if I knew he could find out the answers, since I know that he can’t and that you can’t do it on your own I am willing to ask these things of Nahuel. Let’s go.”

We entered the house and bypassed the large living area and headed towards the kitchen. It wasn’t til we were there that I thought about what Nahuel was doing there. I got my answer as we walked through the kitchen door and every head turned in our direction, Nahuel jumped lithely to his feet and with his movement came a snarl from my father. I was puzzled and went to stand by him, I grazed his hand and he said “Ness, you remember Nahuel. He has come to ask you something.” I shook my head in confusion and said “Okay, I suppose that works out well. I have some things I need to ask him to.” My family all look amazed at that statement but I ignored them and turning to Nahuel I said “Hi, it’s been ages since we’ve seen you. How have you been?”  I felt slightly uncomfortable at the way he was staring at me and with the stretching silence came an increase in my uncomfortableness. It took Nahuel several seconds to speak and when he did his deep voice was agitated and slightly breathless. “It is a pleasure to meet you again Renesmee. As your father has indicated I have indeed come to ask you something but he said that it is too late, however I do not believe this.” I looked pointedly at him, waiting for him to continue his monologue. I wasn’t prepared for what came out of his mouth next “Renesmee, I understand that this comes as a surprise and that we haven’t seen each other in years and that we don’t know one another but we are alike and I believe that we would make a handsome couple.” I felt my mouth drop open and I just stood in shocked silence and stared at him. I forced my mouth closed and when I believed I had enough control over my brain to speak I said “What?” I closed my eyes and thought ‘way to act like a bimbo Ness, well done’. Shaking my head, I tried again “Sorry Nahuel but it sounded like you were asking me to marry you.” That was better, I thought to myself, much smarter and not as vague. I looked around at my family, waiting for them to yell surprise, and when none of them moved their gazes from either of us I turned my eyes back to Nahuel who nodded, pleased that I had gotten the gist of what he wanted, and moved towards me. I backed away as far as the kitchen would allow and when the wall stopped my retreat I started shuffling sideways, towards the door, but suddenly that exit was blocked too. It was blocked by a mountain of warm flesh that was vibrating, a loud ferocious rumble sounding from within its chest. My eyes flew up to look into Jacobs’ fierce face and I felt my heart thump loudly in the suddenly claustrophobic confines of the kitchen. I turned towards Jake and pushed my hands against his bare chest, my desperation in getting him out of the kitchen made him even more furious at Nahuel. He growled “What the hell is he doing here?” I placed myself between Jake and the snarling Halfling and said “Jake let’s go, it doesn’t matter why he’s here.” I pushed hard against his chest, only succeeding in moving myself, I wanted to get him out of the kitchen before Nahuel actually repeated his disastrous question; I hadn’t counted on Nahuel being so stubborn. His deep voice snapped across the space between us “I have come to ask Renesmee to marry me.” I sighed in frustration and dropped my head, the muscles under my palms quivered more intensely and I knew from experience just how quickly Jake could lose his temper. I closed my eyes swiftly before opening them and looking up into the face of the man I loved. With forceful determination I removed my hands from Jake’s body and turned my back toward him. I grabbed his hand so that he could hear my thoughts as I said to the being in front of me “Nahuel, I am sorry that you’ve come all this way but Jacob and I are getting married tomorrow. I love him and I could never love anyone else.” The quivering at my back subsided and I breathed a sigh of relief as Jacob calmed down. I looked directly into Nahuel’s face and continued “I am flattered and you are more than welcome to stay but please believe me when I tell you that we” I pointed between him and myself “have no chance of ever happening.”

I watched Nahuel as he nodded his head and when I knew he finally understood I re-focused all of my attention on Jake. He was still shivering, like a person who had a fever, his eyes were bright and his lips were still pulled up baring his teeth. I ignored our company in the kitchen and said “Jake do you wanna come hunt?” my voice didn’t seem to penetrate the angry fog that I could see swirling within his mind but I tried again, using every gift at my disposal, I placed one of my soft hands against his bare chest and flashed him an image of our special place. I leant up on the tips of my toes and kissed his jaw. The quivering had slowed but not stopped and the anger was fading enough for him to be able to look down at me and say “Nessie, honey don’t take this the wrong way but I think I need a little time to myself.” I was hurt, of course, but if time was what Jacob needed than that is what I’d give him. The upside of this was that Carlisle and I would be able to talk to Nahuel and I would finally get some answers.

I nodded at Jake and whispered “It’s alright Jake, go and do what you need to, I’ll be here when you get back.” He shot a livid glare at Nahuel before dropping a quick possessive kiss on my mouth and leaving the room. I felt the room exhale as if it had been waiting for a massive fight and I had diverted it. I closed my eyes and rubbed my hand over them, if I had ever had to guess what a headache felt like then I’d say this was it. The tension had left a strange thumping behind my eyes. I watched Jacob leave before turning to Nahuel, who quickly hid his look of disappointment and, I was sure, disgust, before saying “Okay we need to talk. Carlisle and I have some questions and we figured that you were the only person we knew who could answer them, so it was fortuitous that you arrived when you did.” A shadow passed over his face so quickly I thought that I might have imagined it, I shot a swift look at my father and he looked confused by whatever it was that he had just heard within Nahuel’s head, but whatever he had thought couldn’t have been bad because Daddy would have said something to us; so I ignored the strange feelings I was getting from the only other creature like me I had ever met. I pulled my mind back to the present and focused on getting the answers I needed, and said “Do you mind if we pick your brain?” he shot an incredulous look at my father and I laughed shortly before saying “I mean in a none mind reading capacity, as in I will ask you a question and maybe you can give me an answer, no-one but Carlisle will be there. Plus he has, being the smartest person I know, sorry Daddy, a thousand questions of his own to ask.” Nahuel seemed slightly more relaxed at this idea and I guess being surrounded by eight strong vampires would put anyone off talking. The rest of my family filed out of the kitchen, all of them saying various goodbyes to Nahuel; within seconds the kitchen was empty except for the three of us.

We, Nahuel and I, sat down at the table and stared awkwardly at one another. Carlisle prowled the outer perimeter, he passed my chair and I grabbed his hand. I couldn’t begin this conversation, I was to uncomfortable, how did you ask a complete stranger (one who had just asked you to marry him) whether or not something weird will happen if you have sex with another being. Carlisle laughed and said “Nahuel as you now know Renesmee is getting married, tomorrow, and the questions we have are of a rather personal nature. I have exhausted all of my research and you may be our last hope.” Nahuel sat quietly for a split-second before saying “The one who was in here earlier, the one who you are marrying?” I nodded and smiled, I opened my mouth to speak but Nahuel cut me off “He isn’t completely human, is he?” I shook my head and said “No Jacob is a...” Nahuel spoke over me again “I remember him from the fight. Shape-shifters I recall your father saying they were.” I nodded again, pleased that I didn’t have to explain Jacob and the whole werewolf thing but irritated because Nahuel was speaking over me and not waiting for me to answer the questions he was asking me, I had almost forgotten that Nahuel had been there in that field when we had faced the Volturi. Nahuel sat staring at me out of the corner of his eye but he spoke to Carlisle “What are these questions you have of me?”

I sucked in a lungful of air and swallowed hard as Carlisle said “We are curious about you and your siblings. You said that your siblings were not raised the same way that you were and that they tricked humans into mating with them, we were wondering if any of your sisters had ever had a child. We were also wondering if they had been pregnant, at the length of the pregnancy, the rate of growth of the foetus and also the delivery technique.” Carlisle paused in his questions as if he was trying to remember what else he wanted to ask but I had one question I wanted to know more than anything so I interrupted and said “I want to know if the child was human or vampire or a Halfling like us.” Nahuel closed his eyes and said “One of my sisters’ has had a pregnancy. She seduced a human man and found herself pregnant. She was pregnant for about three months and she delivered the child, well had the child removed from her. One of my other sisters’ ripped it out. A boy, a Halfling like us; He reached full growth within seven years of his birth and has more of a human diet than that of my sisters. As for any child that you may have” Nahuel finally turned to stare fully at me and his eyes bored into mine and I held my breath as I waited for him to continue and when he did my trapped breath rushed from my body. “I am certain it will be a freak like its parents. Excuse me, I am leaving.” I sat stunned and watched as he flew out of the house as if the hounds of hell were on his tail.

Chapter Ten

CHAPTER TEN

How Do You Say Goodbye? Oh How About Marry Me!

The morning of the funeral dawned sunny and dry. We drove to the cemetery a large procession of cars led by the hearse. The ceremony itself was short and because Billy had shunned tradition by getting cremated we weren’t required to stand around his open grave, which I was thankful for. Graves had always unnerved me. Rebecca, her husband Nate and their twins; along with Rachel and Paul who, were expecting their second child, stood holding their little girl in their arms and beside them stood Jacob and I, we greeted everyone and accepted their condolences as they arrived at the community hall for the wake. It was here that I saw my parents for the first time since our fight; they were accompanied by the rest of my family who stood towards the rear of the hall, avoiding the other mourners as the other mourners avoided them. Eventually it was only the pack and my family left and we decided to go back to Billy’s and celebrate his life the way he would’ve wanted, by watching football. We were all filing out of the hall when my parents stopped both Jacob and I, I moved closer to Jacob fearing they might snatch me and run, of course my father heard this thought and he smiled a tiny crooked smile before saying “We won’t make you leave Ness. We learnt our lesson the other day.” I rushed into his embrace and grabbing my mother’s hand I whispered “I missed you both so much, I hated not speaking to you, I over-reacted.” My mother snorted and said “Yes, it’s something you inherited from your father.” We laughed as my father pretended to look offended. Jacob spoke softly “Edward?” I, obviously, missed the rest of the question but the look on my father’s face had me concerned about how long this relaxed and pleasant mood could last. Eventually my father nodded and taking my mother by the arm he said quietly “We will see you both back at Billy’s. Jacob don’t mess it up.” I watched them go and when the car had rounded the corner and I could no longer see them I turned to Jacob and asked “What was that all about?”

Suddenly Jacob looked sheepish, he was dressed in a dark suit, looking every inch as if he belonged on the cover of a magazine, and he said “I was asking him something, and I probably should have done it earlier, but better late than never, right?” I looked at him, confused, what was he babbling about? I waited as patiently as I could for him to explain his statement and when he didn’t I said “What should you have asked him ages ago?” I was surprised when he released my hand and started to pace up and down in front of me and when he remained silent I started to get nervous, then suddenly he started to talk and it took all of my concentration to keep up with what he was saying. “Well you only have one more term of school left and you want to go to college and we can’t be without one another and we can’t just shack up together and I wanted his permission because that is the way it’s done and I didn’t get to get my father’s blessings, even though he loved you and wanted me to be happy.” He suddenly stopped and took a deep breath before saying slowly and precisely “Renesmee Carlie Cullen will you marry me?”

I was stunned, I knew he loved me and that eventually we’d get married but I didn’t think that it would be so soon. I had so many questions whirling around inside my head one standing out the most. I walked closer to him and placed my hand on his face ‘Is this because we slept together?’ I wanted him to want to get married not out of some misplaced sense of duty. He laughed and said “No that isn’t the reason, although it’s probably a good reason, the reason I am asking is because I spent two days without you and I almost went crazy. I want you there by my side forever.” I nodded and looking him in the eye I said “Jacob Black I would love to marry you.” He whooped with delight and crushed me against him in a bear hug.  He danced around the hall saying “We’ll do it as soon as possible, and then we can get a place together and spend the rest of our lives happy.” I laughed at his antics even though his statement had sent doubts flowing through my head. I kissed him and said “Okay, okay, put my down you’re making me nauseous.” When he had set me on my feet I pulled his body closer to mine and said “Do we tell everyone now? I mean, is this the right time to tell everyone something so happy at a time that is so sad?” he frowned slightly at my hesitant tone before saying “Ness this is the perfect time. There had never been a better time. Dad wanted me to be happy and you make me happy. Trust me this is what he wanted it was practically the last thing he said to me.” He stopped speaking as he realised what he had said but it was too late, I raised one eyebrow and asked “Are you only doing this because of Billy?” He shook his head, his hair flopping into his eyes, and said “You should know that I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do, Ness. Please don’t think that I don’t love you enough to want to marry you on my own merit. Let’s go and tell everyone.” He tugged me towards the door and we ran through the rain to the waiting car.

The ride back to Billy’s was quiet but not in an awkward way, we were both relaxed enough to just watch the scenery fly by the speeding cars’ window. We pulled into the front yard of Billy’s house and getting out of the car we walked into the house hand in hand. As we walked into the house everyone fell silent, if I hadn’t been so worried that everyone would think that we were being selfish I would have found it extremely weird, I looked up into Jake’s face and he leant down and kissed my forehead saying quietly “It’s okay, just remember to breath.” I nodded and took an obedient breath. Jacob watched me do this and smile in encouragement before turning to the waiting crowd and saying “We have an announcement, we know that today had been difficult for everyone but we wanted you all to be the first to know” at this he shot my father a sly look before continuing “that Ness has agreed to do me the honour of being my wife. We’re getting married.” The cheer that erupted from the amassed crowd surprised me. I wasn’t expecting such an overwhelming excitement from everyone, including my family. We stood and accepted everyone’s congratulations before someone bought out the food and drink and the party Billy would have wanted really got under way.

Our lives returned to normal in the weeks following Billy’s death and Jacob’s surprise proposal, everything was exactly as it had been before our trip to Forks, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief when two weeks after returning from Forks I got my period. I knew deep down that Jacob wouldn’t be ready for that big of a step in our relationship. I returned to school and Jacob returned to the college and life moved on. Before we knew it winter was upon us, Billy had been dead for three months, and Christmas was only weeks away, Jacob and I were lying on his bed, although supportive my parents didn’t allow us to share a bed, listening to the sound of snow falling down outside. I was enjoying the quiet and rejoicing that I had finished high school when Jacob sighed deeply and said “Hey Ness don’t you think it’d be great to set a date, you know to get married.” I sighed out loud and wished that he hadn’t bought it up, I was in no hurry to get married but I knew it meant something to him and to the rest of the world, so I said “How about next Christmas, that’s a year. That gives us plenty of time to organise things and for everyone to organise themselves so they can come down and laugh at us in formal clothes.” I could almost hear his eyes rolling as I suggested a years’ wait, I knew he wanted to do it sooner but I just wasn’t ready and if I was honest with myself I wanted to put it off as much as possible, he rolled over to face me and said “How about this Christmas?” I laughed until I realised he was serious; I panicked and said the first thing that popped into my head “I don’t have a dress.” He chuckled and said “With the money your family has I’m sure that you can find a dress without any trouble.” With a sinking feeling I knew that no matter what discouraging ideas I threw at him that he would have an answer for them so taking a deep breath I said “Sure, why not.” He gathered me close and I soon forgot my misgivings.

That was how I come to be standing in what could possibly be my worst nightmare, a dress shop filled with giggling shop assistants and miles and miles of lace and tulle. Not just any dress shop, a bridal dress shop. I was accompanied by the females in my family Grandma Esme, Rose, Alice and Momma who all seemed oblivious to the fact that I was hyperventilating by the time we had reached the doors, let alone by the time we got to try anything on. Like Mom and Dad’s wedding Alice had been given free reign over decorations and guest lists and all the trivial things that come with a wedding. We had decided to avoid the weird questions over a teenage bride that Mom would be the one trying on the dress but considering she only looked slightly older than me we still got strange looks. One thing cured the looks and that was the wad of cash Rose handed the manger so that we could close the shop until we found ‘the’ dress and considering that between everyone the marriage total (even if they had married the same person) was close to twenty times, they still seemed to get excited about the whole thing. Well except Mom, she understood why I was reluctant to stand in front of everyone and be the centre of attention, but there was a part of this that I hadn’t even allowed myself to think in any one else’s presence. I was terrified that we were making a mistake. I knew I loved Jacob and that he loved me, that wasn’t the issue, the issue was why we couldn’t wait. I wanted to make him happy and if this made him happy than this was what I’d do.

Once everyone had cleared the shop, which happened in record time, Momma was the centre of attention. I had final say on the dress, even though I really didn’t care, so started the parade of dresses. For nearly an hour we stood while they primped and preened my mother and she modelled what seemed like a million dresses. They had just taken her to undress her and my attention wandered. It was as I was doing this that I spotted a dress that made my heart stop and beat double time. It was an ivory bodice and skirt, the skirt was full and swayed like a bell, the bodice was lace up in the back and both the bodice and the skirt had intricate beading and crystals that reflected the light. I pulled it from the rack and stood staring at it, the manager came over and said “With your sisters colouring that might make her look washed out.” I looked away from the dress and shot a pleading look at Alice, who even though she couldn’t read minds knew what I wanted, she danced to our side and laughing said “Hey Ness why don’t you try in on, you know just for fun.” The manager tried to hide the frown of disapproval at trying dresses on just for fun but with the amount of money the store had been given she ushered me into the fitting room and another assistant helped me into the bodice and skirt. The instant I put it on I fell in love. It fit me like it had been made for me and when I looked in the mirror I was stunned to see a smiling person staring back at me. I lifted the front of the skirt and walked gingerly out to my waiting family, as I stepped through the fitting room doors every head turned in my direction, and for once I didn’t mind. My family stood motionless and as I neared the little dais I heard the manager murmur “She looks divine. If she was getting married than she wouldn’t need to look for any other dress.” I smiled serenely and looked for Momma, she walked up to the side of the podium and I reached for her hand, she smile beatifically as I thought “I love this dress, can I please get this one? I feel like a bride should feel.” I turned and walked off the podium and back into the fitting rooms. By the time I had redressed in my own clothes and walked back out to the display room the dress had been boxed and paid for and my family were ready to leave.

Chapter Nine

CHAPTER NINE

Oops!

The next morning dawned and the rain that had threatened the night before was pounding against the roof and flooding the front yard, I sighed when I realised that we had only slept for four hours, I tried to roll over but the weight of Jacob’s arm held me pinned to his side. I gave up trying to move it and snuggled back into slumber. It was some time later that I heard a furious hiss and felt the sudden lightness of the mattress as Jake’s weight was ripped from it, forgetting that I was only dressed in a borrowed shirt –one that I could have worn as a dress- I jumped into a crouched position in time to see my father drag Jacob from the room. I raced after them demanding that he stop, I followed them from the house and out into the yard and the driving rain, yelling the entire way for my father to stop. My screams drew the startled gaze of the rest of my family and it was then that I registered what my father had seen. “Daddy Stop it. Don’t hurt him. Nothing happened!” I felt a guilty flush warm my skin at the outright lie and wasn’t surprised to hear his growl as the lie registered with him and he snarled “Emmett hold her and don’t let her go.” I felt the steel bands of Em’s arms and I struggled against them, crying out for my father to stop. It was as the tears started down my cheeks, mingling with the rain that was flowing down, that my mother stepped in and with a restraining hand she said “Edward stop, you couldn’t live with yourself if you killed him.” It seemed like her words had succeeded where mine had failed and he dropped Jacob into the mud. Jacob rolled away from him and bounded to his feet coming to my side, he snarled at my captor, which only succeeded in Em gripping me tighter, effectively cutting off my oxygen. I gasped and Jacob cried “Let her go you’re killing her.” I felt the arms binding me suddenly release me and I fell forward, expecting to hit the ground, gasping for air. I was stopped from hitting the ground by Jacob’s strong arms coming around me and cradling me closer. I buried my face into his bare chest and it was then that I realised that Jacob slept naked.

Startled I looked up into his eyes and said “Jake! You’re naked.” Emmett’s chuckle came from behind me along with a snarl from my parents. Jacob looked down into my upturned face and said, unashamedly, “It got too hot in the bed to wear clothes. With both our heat it was uncomfortable.” I smiled lovingly into his eyes, pressing my hand against his bare hip, showing him that I understood what he meant. I pulled myself free from his grip and turned to face my family, making sure that I kept my body between them and my naked boyfriend, I took in the strained looks on their faces before Jasper made everyone feel calm and in control. I sucked in a deep breath and smiling brightly, as if they hadn’t caught me in bed with a naked man, I said “Hey guys, you got here quicker than we expected.”

“We are not staying and neither are you!” my father had quickly regained control of his temper but it still raged inside him; he reminded me of a volcano, quiet on the outside but dangerous on the inside. I rounded on him and yelled “The hell I’m not. I am staying here, Billy’s funeral is in three days and if you think that I am going to leave Jacob then you’re crazy. This (waving my hands to indicate Jake and me) isn’t what you think it is. It was so late last night and I was so tired that I couldn’t be bothered to go back to Grandpa’s, I don’t see what the problem is Jake and I’ve slept together before.” As I said the words I realised how they could be taken but I didn’t care, he was blowing this all out of proportion. His growl was fierce and would have had any normal sane vampire running from him but I wasn’t just anyone I was his daughter and he was going to listen to me. “We have all slept in the same room before and nothing happened, last night was exactly the same, we needed comfort and we got it from sharing a bed. Not having sex, but sleeping together, you know just lying beside one another listening to each other’s breathing and, in our case, our hearts beating. It was innocent and you over-reacted, as usual. When are you going to realise that I’m not a little girl anymore?” I was breathing hard and I could feel Jacob’s arm around my stomach, whether they were supporting me or stopping me from attacking my father, I wasn’t sure.

It was my mother that spoke next and her words were harsh and un-friendly “Jacob we trusted you, how could you do this? What were you thinking?” I was about to interrupt but Jake’s next words had me staring at both of them. “I don’t know Bella, what was I thinking that night in the blizzard when we shared a sleeping bag? What about those times we fell asleep in front of the TV wrapped in one another’s arms? Nothing happened then and nothing happened now. It was for comfort and support.” My mother growled at Jacob and I pulled away from him and turning to stare at him I whispered “You slept with my mom?” I felt sick to my stomach and I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat, he made a grab for me but I danced out of his reach, his look was one of sorrow and I was wondering if it was because he regretted saying anything now or for not telling me sooner. I put both hands up in front of me, warning him to stay away, he didn’t listen. He came closer and closer until he stopped directly in front of me. He was so close that I had to tilt my head all the way back to see his face, his hand clamped around my chin to stop me from looking away from him. He spoke slowly, through clenched teeth “Not in the way you’re thinking but yes your mother and I have slept together, actually your father was there so he can back me up. I have never made love with anyone else.” I watched as what he had said sank in to his head and he closed his eyes because he knew that super-vampiric hearing would have picked up his poor choice in words, not to mention that the second he looked at me I had seen flash-backs of what had happened down at the beach. I knew that my family now knew for sure that we had lied, something had happened. I pulled out of his grasp and whirled to face my family, every face sombre except Emmett’s who had a smirk plastered on his. I wanted to go running to my mother but her guilty expression triggered my anger. “I am staying for Billy’s funeral” looking back at Jacob I continued “I will be staying on Quileute lands but I am not staying with you, I am going to stay with Emily and Sam. After the funeral I am going home, you can either come or stay but.... I can’t do this. Excuse me.” I raced back within the house and threw on some clothes before I fled without talking to any of them again.

When I arrived at Sam and Emily’s they were waiting for me, and I guessed that someone had called them and filled them in on what had happened. Sam stood staring at me with a reproachful gaze while Emily rushed down the stairs and gathered me into her arms. She pulled me towards the house all the while muttering inane things and trying to make me feel better. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it wasn’t working. I stowed my bags in the room that Emily proudly claimed would be the nursery for the new baby, I hugged her, congratulating her all the while worrying about my own chances to have baby’s. We chatted about the kids and she was telling me that as long as vampires were not making regular trips to Forks her kids would be wolf free, if they came back then the gene would be triggered and the next generation would be enlisted to help protect the tribe. I wondered if I counted but considering that I was only one in a handful of creatures like me I didn’t really have anyone to ask.

The next two days were excruciating, Jacob came by frequently but I refused to see him, the arrangements for Billy’s funeral were completed and I remained hiding out in my adopted room. There was a knock my door and I called “Come in.” Expecting it to be Emily but when the door opened and it was Sam; he stood, looking awkward about entering a girls’ bedroom, I waited for him to cross the threshold and tell me what had brought him here. He stood statuesque, his eyes darting around frantically without actually settling on me. I waited for another ten seconds before my thin patience wore out and I snapped “What do you need Sam?” he cleared his throat and finally made his way into the room and perched uncomfortably on the end of my bed, I waited because I had learned nothing else than Sam only spoke when he felt the absolute need. He opened his mouth and groaned “God I wish you had your father’s ability that would make this so much easier.” I had never heard any of the pack say that about my father so my interest was doubly peaked. He shifted again to get comfortable and I patted his hand, some of my irritation must have lingered in the touch because he said “Or even what you can do, that way I wouldn’t need to say it I could just think it and we’d be good.” I knew that whatever Sam had come to say was important and I had an idea about what he wanted to talk about and I also knew that I didn’t want to talk about it. I opened my mouth to speak and it remained open as Sam spoke “I know that you and Jacob have had sex, and I know that you’re angry about him and your mom but you need to understand something, Jacob never loved your mother the way he loves you.” I made an angry noise to interrupt him and he said “You’re forgetting that I know his thoughts. I was there when he thought that your mother was the only person that he’d ever love and let me tell you that the feelings that Jake has for you are a million-trillion times the ones he had for your mother. Yes it pained him that she loved another and it drove him to do some crazy things but I have never seen Jacob as broken as he is now. His father died three days ago and you, his entire life, have refused to see him because of some misguided feelings. I know the pain that Jacob is feeling now because it is something he can’t hide from me, and you are making it worse by not going and talking to him. Sort this out, for all of our sakes and if you are.... well let’s just say that you’re going to need him... and he needs you. He is in pain Renesmee and some of that is your fault.” He didn’t wait for me to speak he finished his speech and walked out of the room.

I sat in silence as I contemplated what Sam had just said to me, I knew he was right but I was stubborn enough to not want to admit it. I got off the bed and paced the small space, my movements agitated and erratic. In the end I gave up and raced from the room, I hadn’t set a course but my body knew where I wanted to be, even if I my mind refused to go there. I found myself climbing the stairs to Billy’s front door and walking in, I found Jacob sitting on his fathers’ sofa, crying; the sound of his tears ripped my frail composure to bits. I ran to his side and gathered him into a hard hug, kissing his face and murmuring nonsensical words to calm him down. He gripped me tightly and through his tears whispered “I am so sorry, I never want you to leave me again, I can’t function without you, Sam has been yelling at me for days to make this right but every time I came to see you, you refuse to see me. I was getting desperate enough that I asked Sam for some help.” I broke out of his hold and held him at arms’ length and said “You should have told me, but Sam explained something to me today and it’s something I’ve always known, it just sunk in that little bit more. You love me not my mother, me!” the force of my discovery was so compelling that I climbed onto his lap and kissed him until we were both panting with need. He pulled his mouth away from the hollow of my neck and whispered “I do love you more than life itself and nothing will ever change that.” He returned his mouth to mine and kissed me fiercely. I wasn’t surprised when he lifted me into his arms and carried me into the bedroom.

Chapter Eight

CHAPTER EIGHT

What Do We Do Now?

I woke the next morning to find Jacob standing at the foot of my bed. I crouched on the balls of my feet and sprung at him, kissing every part of him that I could. It was when I kissed his lips that I realised that he wasn’t returning my kisses, I stopped cold and looked into his haunted eyes, a feeling of horror ran through me and I couldn’t even form the question that burned within my mind. I touched his face and was relieved to see him shake his head, he dropped his eyes and said in a low murmur “He is okay for now, he wants to see you. I don’t know how much longer....” he didn’t finish his words but I knew what he was saying. I sprung away from him and raced into the bathroom to get ready, today I praised the ability of speed and the fact that it took me less than ten minutes to be ready to leave.

                We walked through the house, down the stairs and into the kitchen, I grabbed an apple off the counter before we exited the backdoor, I walked toward the parked car but Jacob’s tug on my hand stopped me. He sighed and said “We’ll use the car another time; we need to get back to Dad as soon as possible.” I felt sadness and despair pressing down on me, I had never lost anyone and I wasn’t ready to do it now. We hurried into the forest that cupped the edge of Charlie’s land and once we were certain that no-one would see, and Jake had phased, we cut loose and raced towards Quileute land. We crossed the invisible treaty line and continued our race towards Billy’s house which sat on the far side of La Push. It wasn’t til we neared Billy’s place that Jake stopped, he darted into some nearby trees and emerged, in human form, seconds later. I waited poised to resume our running until Jake said “Ness I need to prepare you, Dad is really sick. I have never seen anyone look so old. I know in my heart that this will be the last time that I see him but I can’t accept it” He tugged me into his arms and continued “He loves you and you have a special way of making people see what’s right in front of them without being pushy. I want you to ‘show’ him that he’d be better off in a hospital, where he can at least get the proper care. We have all tried and failed but I know you can do it.” I felt the immense pressure of what he was asking me but I knew that I would do as he asked, for Billy but mainly for Jake’s piece of mind. I nodded my head and said “I will do anything to help you know that.” He nodded and gripping my hand we covered the last few yards to Billy’s front door at human speed. I was trying to prepare myself but nothing I could have thought of would have prepared me for the shrunken skeleton of a once great man, a shrivelled frame that housed the heart of Billy Black.

                When we entered his bedroom everyone that had been inside piled out if it had’ve been under any other circumstance I would have joked that we smelt bad but I couldn’t even bring myself to smile at the people filing out, my eyes were locked on the frail face of a man who I thought of as a father figure. Tears pricked my eyes but I swallowed them away. I crossed the room and gracefully sunk into a crouch beside Billy’s bed. I took his hand and let him see himself through my eyes, it was then that I saw the stubborn gleam spark to life within his dark gaze, so I moved onto my next thought ‘Please go to a hospital’ He raised one eyebrow as if to say ‘why?’ I understood where he was coming from but I had promised Jake and I wasn’t going to let him down. I thought of everyone of the faces that had passed me in the doorway, lingering on the sad faces of his children, grandchildren and his friends, he shook his head and I knew that this wasn’t going to change his mind. I looked over at Jake and a feeling of love welled within me and the thought of our children swam within my head and the sad fact that they weren’t going to meet Billy, I had forgotten that I was holding Billy’s hand until a gasp drew my gaze to his, he motioned for me to lean closer so that his weak lungs didn’t have to work hard at getting the words out “Are you pregnant?” I blushed and said “No. I’m not pregnant, what gave you that idea?” I knew that Jacob had heard us because I heard his quickly indrawn breath but I ignored it and concentrated solely on Billy and his reply “You gave me that idea, Nessie. I saw what was within your head just now and I am excited to see it happen, except the ‘me not being here’ part.” Moving back from me slightly so he could see Jacob he said “I think it’s time that I went to the hospital.” Jake stared open-mouthed at me before he realised what he was doing and hurrying to the bedside he said “I’ve got the car waiting and Rachel, Rebecca and Charlie are all waiting to come with us, Ness can I get you to wait here for me?” I nodded without looking at Jacob, and because I was too busy staring at Billy I didn’t see the weird look that Jake shot me. He walked back to the door and called out for someone to open the car so that he could get Billy in there without moving him too much. I moved out of the way as Jacob came closer to the bed and scooped his father into his arms and without looking at me he strode from the room.

                I waited for the rest of the day for some news from the hospital, the wait seemed interminable and I wasn’t known for my patience. I decided to go for a walk along the beach and have a picnic on the shore. It was several hours later that I actually got any word of what was happening at the hospital. I was sitting on the blanket that I had grabbed from the closet in Jake’s old room watching as the sun set, sending brilliant shafts of red, orange and pink to dance along my skin, and thinking about the excitement I had heard in Billy’s voice when he had asked me if I was pregnant. I was contemplating this when I became aware of Jacob walking through the forest. I didn’t get up to greet him because I knew, as certainly as my heart beat, that he would find me and it wasn’t until he was closer that I smelt something different about him. A salty tang that wasn’t normally present, I shifted on my blanket and when he came close enough he sunk down onto the rug and that was when I looked at him.

                I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces as the waves of grief rolled off Jacob and engulfed me; I shook my head and whispered “Jake what happened?” He turned his face towards me and the sight of his tears was like little daggers stabbing me over and over again. I gathered him into my arms and held him tightly as he spoke “We got to the hospital and they admitted him. They ran all these tests but before they could give us any diagnosis he smiled at us, closing his eyes and then the machines started beeping and we were rushed from the room. They said that they had ‘done all they could for him and that if it was any consolation that he had died peacefully’, yeah like that makes it any easier.” I cradled his head against my breast and felt the shivering that was racing through his limbs, it had been a while since Jacob had been unable to control his emotions and this made his phasing unpredictable but I couldn’t let him go. I lost track of the time as we sat huddled together on the blanket but it was dark before Jacob spoke again, I was unprepared for his next words and they slammed into me with the force of a tidal wave. “Ness what was it that Dad saw before he agreed to go to the hospital?” I swallowed and, forcing the words past my suddenly dry throat, said “I don’t think it’s that important Jake.” His head rose up off my chest and he looked pleadingly into my eyes, I was still hesitant. He took my face in his and kissed my mouth saying “Please Ness, I need to know. He seemed so happy and at peace. If you can’t tell me can you please show me?” I blew out a noisy breath and closing my eyes I placed my hand against his stubble roughened cheek and showed him the thought that I had had when touching Billy’s hand.

                I waited for him to start yelling at me for thinking about us when I had been brought there to help convince Billy that he needed the hospital, what I got was far more than that. I suddenly found myself flat on my back with Jacob pressing over me, I felt a flash of panic and then overwhelming desire as he kissed me and for the life of me I couldn’t think of any reason that this shouldn’t happen. I kissed him back, every emotion I could feel was in that kiss; sorrow at the loss of someone so dear, horror at the pain and grief that Jacob must be feeling, anger that Billy waited so long, and desire to make it all fade into the background. I knew that I should be the rational one and pull away because I knew, that when he wasn’t surrounded by grief, Jacob would regret this but I couldn’t force my limbs to untangle themselves from around Jake and a larger part of my hormonal brain knew that I really didn’t want to. I wanted to make him feel better, I rationalized with myself, and if I felt good in the process, well that’s not too bad, is it? As his large hands ran up my ribs, under my shirt, I lost all conscious thought and allowed my body to disconnect from my brain and just feel what was happening.

I wasn’t sure how much time had actually passed since Jacob had come and sat beside me on that blanket but the night had deepened around us and I felt the first drops of rain caress my skin. I welcomed the feeling; it was if the universe was weeping for our loss, it felt right. I must have shifted because Jake moved away from me slightly and re-arranged his body into a sitting position, his shoulders tense and, when I moved to see his face in the sliver of moon light that shone down on us, his jaw was clenched and his eyes were closed as if he was reliving something bad. I reached out my hand to touch him and he jerked away from me as if I had electrocuted him. I heard my gasp of surprise and I felt a sudden feeling of despair. “Jake, what’s wrong?” I heard my voice trembling but I didn’t care, we had just shared something special and now he was treating me like this, “Is everything okay? I didn’t get to tell you how sorry I am about Billy.” Still no answer, I tried again “Jake, please! Why are you just sitting there?” Finally he moved and I opened my arms to welcome him back into them but he stood and jerked his clothing back on. “No, Renesmee, everything is not okay. I have just lost my father and my self-respect all in one day. So I’m thinking that everything is not okay.” I reared back as if slapped and trained my eyes on his pacing figure. I couldn’t understand why he was reacting this way and then it hit me, it was me, I had done something wrong and he hadn’t enjoyed it, or maybe he had thought that I hadn’t enjoyed it. I was so confused that I blurted out “Was it bad? Was I bad?” I watched as he covered his face with his large hands, hands that had been, moments ago, caressing my skin. I waited for his answer, my heart thudding unevenly inside my chest.

Finally he lowered his hands and stared down at me, I waited. I knew that every emotion I was feeling was written on my face but I couldn’t help that the strongest emotion I felt at that time was confusion, and still I waited. He crouched down in front of me, without touching me, and whispered “Ness that was unbelievable but it shouldn’t have happened. What if something goes wrong? What if I hurt you in some way? I can’t believe I did that, you must think I’ve been waiting to get you here, alone, just to jump your bones.” I shook my head as I tried to comprehend what he was saying and when I sat quietly for longer than he expected he reached a hand out to gently lift my head so he could see my face. I looked into his wounded eyes and shifted my body so I was kneeling, my eyes level with his. “You could never hurt me Jake, never, and I know that you haven’t been planning this otherwise you would’ve taken advantage the other day while in the woods. Please Jake believe me.” He didn’t answer so I used the only method I could think of to get him to listen to me, I reached out my hands and placed one on either side of his face and I showed him my memory of what had just happened, everything. I showed him how loved and safe I had felt and that I had wanted it as much as he had. His eyes, which had drifted shut when I had first touched him, slowly opened. He reached up and pulled my hands away from his face, the memory suddenly interrupted, but I didn’t have time to object because he leant forward and kissed me and when he spoke his voice was husky with emotion “Trust you to think that what happened here was okay.” I felt embarrassed flush my cheeks and I tugged away from him, scrambling to gather my clothes and pull them on. I was panting with exertion, and anger, when I faced him again. I shoved hard against his shoulders, pushing him off the blanket and sprawling him into the sand, I snatched the blanket off the ground and started to walk away.

His gentle voice stopped me “Please Ness don’t leave me.” His words ripped into my heart, I was angry at him for treating me like something fragile and I hadn’t stopped to think about what else Jacob was going through at that moment in time. I turned to face him and the anguish I saw in his brown eyes made my anger fade, I walked cautiously back to stand in front of him, when I stopped he looked into my face and I said “Don’t apologise for what just happened, I understand the pain you’re in but don’t add this to it. I wish it hadn’t happened out of grief for your father but I’m not sorry that it happened. I love you Jake, with all my heart and nothing you can do will change that.” I leant down and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “I promise that I won’t expect a replay anytime soon and I will behave myself. Let’s go back to the house, unless you don’t want to. I can understand that.” I watched in awe as he got swiftly to his feet, any time Jacob move I was amazed at the litheness of his body and the fluidness of his movements, when he reached for my hand I didn’t hesitate. I placed my much smaller hand inside his and we walked –at human pace- through the forest and back to Billy’s house. As we neared the small home that Jacob and Billy had shared Jake murmured in a low voice “I still can’t believe that he’s gone. I think he’s going to wheel himself to the door and chew me out for being away for so long. I feel so guilty about not coming back sooner but I just couldn’t make myself leave you, and now...” I felt the sob shake his body, I stopped walking and pulled him into my embrace, I held him until he stopped crying. After several minutes he stiffened and turned towards the road, I lifted my head and sniffed, but before I could figure out what it was that I smelt, Jacob had put me from him and said “Go inside the house and send Sam and whoever else from the pack that is in there out here. Don’t ask questions now Ness, just do it.” I raced for the door, already calling for Sam, he met me as I bounded up the stairs I looked at him and said “Jacob needs you!” he shot a look towards the tree line and sniffed the air. A low growl shot through his teeth and he said “Embry, Jarrod, Paul, Seth, Collin, Brady, Quill, let’s go.” Without asking why they all filed out of Billy’s extremely crowded home. I stood staring at them as they raced towards the forest. It was as I was doing this that I caught the scent that had made Jacob so tense, I don’t think it registered to me before that, because I spent so much time around vampires that I was used to the smell, but this wasn’t a scent I was familiar with. It triggered a distant memory but I couldn’t place it.

I wandered into the house and hugged Charlie and spoke quietly with Jacob’s sisters. Emily had taken charge of everything and was preparing something for everyone to eat she bustled around the kitchen like a busy little bee but she still had time for the endless questions her children had for her. I sat watching her, thinking that this could be me in a few years. It struck me then why Jake had been so reticent down at the beach, what if we had created a life? Was I ready to deal with that? I sucked in an uneven breath; I was suddenly claustrophobic and needed some air. I walked away from the crowded house and went to sit on the bumper of one of the numerous cars parked out front. I sat this way for what seemed like hours before a sound in the forest drew my gaze. The pack emerged from the forest together and unharmed, I released a sigh I hadn’t realised I had been holding and waited for them to get closer. Jacob broke away from the pack and came to sit beside me, the others walked up the front steps and disappeared within the house, I waited until we were alone before I spoke “Is everything okay? Did you find the vampire?” He turned his head to look at me and I knew by the look that was on his face that it hadn’t surprised him that I knew where they had gone. He shook his head saying “Nah it got away but if it comes back we’ll be ready for it.” I hugged him closer, careful not to touch his bare skin. I didn’t want him knowing that I had, finally, realised how big a change we may have made in our relationship.

The next few hours flew by, what with having dozens of people coming to offer their condolences and ringing my parents, who had promised that they would be there in the morning to be with us, and dealing with all the rituals that had to be followed, not to mention having to avoid touching anyone’s bare skin for fear of showing them something. By the time the last people had left and Jacob and I were alone, I was exhausted emotionally and physically. I slumped down on the sofa and closed my eyes. Jake came and sat beside me, taking my hand in his. I carefully blanked my mind so it didn’t reveal my thoughts. I waited for him to speak and when he did I was taken by surprise “Nessie I don’t want you to go home. Stay with me.” My thoughts were of sleeping on the couch and it must have slipped through my control because he chuckled dryly “I think we’re past you needing to sleep on the couch. I promise that I won’t touch you but I need you there. I want to hold you while we sleep, please Ness.” I closed my eyes and without thinking of the consequences I said “Let’s go to bed Jake.”

Chapter Seven

CHAPTER SEVEN

Truth and Consequences

We rode in silence for a while and then I lifted the back of his t-shirt and placed my hand against his back, the bike slowed and he pulled off the road. Once the bike stopped I jumped down and paced away from the road and into the thick forest that framed the outskirts of the town I went to school in, I knew that he would follow me and I didn’t even worry about looking to see if he had. We were so in sync that it was so easy to be quiet and not say anything and for it to be as meaningful as a long conversation. I stopped walking after about five minutes, I wanted to talk to him and get some straight answers but I didn’t know how to frame the questions I wanted to ask. I turned to him and seeing his eyes cloud over with worry I stepped toward him and caressed his face, I must have shown him a flash of what I wanted to talk to him about because he huffed out an impatient breath and said “Seriously Renesmee is that all you think about?” I felt anger and frustration flood my body and I couldn’t stop the need to pace from over taking me. I felt the sting of emotional tears prick my eyes and turning to him I said “Jake do you love me? I mean, do you think I’m pretty and do you find me sexually attractive, and not just in the ‘you’re my mate and I’m stuck with you’ kind of way.” Jake stared with suddenly wise eyes and said quietly “Of course I love you Nessie, I love you with my entire heart...” my own heart swelled as he said this but his hesitation made me panic. His next words confirmed that my panic was justified “But we can’t just have sex because you think it’ll bring us closer. There is so much more that we have to consider, we will make love and I am dying for the day that we are ready to face those consequences, but I just don’t think we’re ready just now.”

                I walked closer to him and folded my arms tightly around him, I pulled his head down and kissed his mouth; biting his lip, harder than I meant, and drawing blood. He pulled back and cursed but before he could storm away from me in a snit I pulled him back to me and moulded my body against his. I could feel the proof of his desire against my stomach and his heartbeat ratcheted up several notches, I pressed my advantage and pulling his shirt free of the jeans he wore I rubbed my hands across his washboard hard stomach. The feel of his skin against mine intensified the emotions I was feeling and made me even bolder. He gave a grunt of appreciation as my pale hands caressed his skin, and his long eyelashes swept high cheekbones infused with heated colour. I could feel his surrender and I moved in for the kill, so to speak. Kissing every inch of his face and throat that I could reach I whispered in his ear “I love you Jake, please, do this for me.” And I knew from every experience in my entire life that when I asked for something he went out of his way to give it to me, and I wanted this more than ever. The feel of his large hands covering my back and pulling me closer was reassuring, he grabbed me and we slowly we sunk to the floor of the forest, he held his body away from mine and in my frustration I pulled him over me. Jake pulled his mouth away from mine and whispered “I don’t want to squash you Ness.” I touched his face and showed him how I needed the feel of his body on mine.

I was so pleased that I was getting my way that I completely missed when he made the decision to stop. He pulled away and rolled far enough that we weren’t touching he said, as I groped for him, he panted “Stop! We are not doing this here; I need to talk to the Doc before we go any further. I couldn’t stand it if I hurt you and I know your parents would kill me if I did. Our first time shouldn’t be in a forest on a dirty floor of pine needles, it should be on a big soft bed.” I rolled to my feet, even though his words made sense and I wanted our first time together to be memorable I was furious, I stayed in a crouch and growling through my teeth I said “Fine. Well when you’ve discussed our potential sex life with Carlisle you can go and” and I told him to go and do something that had him saying “Renesmee!” before I sprinted through the forest leaving him standing there alone. I ran flat out until I was five miles from home that was when I became aware that I was no longer alone, within seconds my father was running beside me. I slowed to a stop and we stood staring at each other for the length of time it took me to think about, without specifics, what had happened between Jacob and me. He held his arms open wide and I ran into them, he held me while I cried out my frustration and when I was done he wiped my cheeks and said “As much as I would love to go and pull him apart he is doing the responsible thing. I heard his anger and pain when he got home; he is caught between his desire to do the right thing and his desire for you. Your mother and I agree that you should both go and talk to Carlisle and go from there.” I nodded my head and took off running towards the large white building where my grandparents live.

                As I burst through the trees I noticed that only Carlisles’ smell could be found, I called out softly and heard in return “I am in my study Nessie, come on up.” I slowed to human pace and walked up the first flight of stairs to his study, I didn’t bother to knock because he knew it was me. I entered the room that was his personal space and my attention was immediately caught by the display of art work that depicted Carlisle’s life. The most frightening one was of him and the Volturi, the picture itself was benign but its subject was far from harmless. The one time I had had dealings with the Volturi was the time they had come to destroy my family, but with our friends and some impartial witnesses we were able to defuse the situation without my family losing their lives, and since they had left we hadn’t heard from them. Carlisle sat patiently waiting for me to tell him the meaning of my visit, I wasn’t sure how or even were to start so I said “I know I’m different, physically from other humans, and I know that I have more chromosomes than normal, and that so does Jacob, but what does that actually mean? Are we more alike or less alike?” I couldn’t frame the questions that I really wanted answered and I found myself crouching down beside his chair and ‘asking’ in my own way what would happen if Jacob and I ever got physical. The compassion on his face made tears well in my eyes again and I whispered “I don’t want to be the freak that can’t have a normal life. I want to be a normal teenager, I want to be able to have sex with my boyfriend without fear of something weird happening, but I don’t want to be like Momma and end up pregnant either, well not yet anyway, and that’s another thing. I don’t even know if I can get pregnant. I need you to help me answer these questions, you are the smartest person I know, and I know that you will try and answer them for me.” I looked up at him and his quiet voice calmed my anxiety just as quickly as Jasper and his ‘gift’, he spoke with such conviction that I knew that he would go to the ends of the earth to find the answers I sought “I will do whatever I can to find out just how compatible you and Jacob are; I already know, through what Jacob has told us about the imprinting, that it is a way to carry on their bloodline, so we can safely say that you will one day be able to have baby’s. As for your other questions, I do not know the answers but I promise that I will try and find them out for you. Actually there is a source that we haven’t thought about.” His voice faded away and he sat staring into space, I felt frustration and confusion crinkle the skin between my brows, I reached out a hand and he said “I still think it’s funny that when you get impatient or frustrated you revert back to ‘asking’ the way you did when you were little. The source I was thinking about was Nahuel, we could find a way to get in contact with him and ask him whether or not this type of thing is possible. That is to say we know that you are compatible but whether or not it is risky. In the mean time we can run some tests if you like to see if there is any possibility that you will be able to have children. It may mean some slightly embarrassing questions.” I reached over and kissed his cold cheek and said “Thanks Grandpa, I appreciate your help, so ask away.”

                I spent the remainder of the afternoon answering extremely personal questions about my body and everything my body had done in the five years since my birth. I gave him the complete run down, every period, every time I had sneezed anything and everything. I was completely amazed at his thirst for knowledge and if it had’ve been anyone else I think frustration would have made me leave sooner than I did. And when I did leave it was with his reassurance that he would try and find out everything he possibly could about me. As I walked out of his study I became aware of Jacobs’ scent wafting to me through an open window, I sighed and walked slowly from the house, I didn’t want to see him at that precise moment but I knew I needed to apologise for saying what I had said to him and I knew my hesitation to see him was more to do with my embarrassment at behaving the way I had, than to anything he had done. My eyesight adjusted to the dim light of dusk and I could make out Jake’s hulking wolf shape waiting for me in the shadow of the forest. I knew the minute he decided that I wasn’t going to run from him because he turned his back and walked further into the trees, I slowed to give him time to phase back and to put his pants on. By the time I reached the edge of the forest he was back standing in the spot where I first seen him. I walked closer and sheepishly said “I’m sorry Jake, I acted like a spoiled brat. I didn’t mean any of it, I promise, I was just really frustrated. I don’t know which way is up anymore. If it wasn’t for you I don’t think I’d be as sane as I am. I love you Jacob Black and nothing will ever change that.”

                Jake stood there staring at me for longer than I thought was strictly necessary and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable when his deep soothing voice said “Nessie, I know that you love me but if it’s causing you pain or distress I will leave, I’m not saying that it won’t hurt but I will do it if you need some space.” And even as he spoke the words I heard something else behind them. He walked towards me and it wasn’t until he reached his hand out and lifted my chin telling me “Breathe” that I realised that I had stopped doing that exact thing but I couldn’t control the hyperventilating my body was doing, my brain refused to process what he was saying and I gripped him harder than I expected and said “NO! Jake, no! You can’t leave me, I can’t lose you! I spoke to my Dad earlier, and yeah you might want to avoid seeing him on your own it might not be safe, and I decided to go and see Grandpa. He has had me locked in his study performing horrible test on me to find out what would happen if we got pelvicky with one another and he doesn’t know anything yet but he will find out, I have faith in him.” At the mention of tests I saw Jake’s colour drain and his breathing shallowed out painfully he pulled me closer to his big warm body saying “Honey I’m so sorry that it was awful, I’ll be there next time to hold your hand.” I felt the love and devotion flowing off him in waves and I knew that his offer to leave was superficial so I said “Jake it wasn’t anything bad, embarrassing yes, bad no.” Putting my hand against his cheek I showed him what had happened while I had been locked inside my Grandpa’s study. “Please forget about it. Can we go hunt because I am starving.” He kissed my forehead and went behind a tree to phase. When he re-emerged we took off at a run towards the mountain in search of our meal.

                For as long as I could remember this had been our thing, when I was younger we would go hunting together and he would make it a game to get me to drink animal blood instead of the storage of donated human blood that I knew was waiting for me at Carlisle and Esme’s, but once I got old enough to enjoy the challenge of hunting against Jacob in his wolf form we made a sport out of it. He didn’t realise that I had let him win more times than not but I enjoyed his pleasure at beating me. We settled into our regular pattern and once we tracked some deer we both took off in different directions to see who was quicker at catching theirs. I raced towards the smell of the deer, my mouth watering as the pounding of their hearts and the fast flow of their blood made my hunger sharper. I flew between the trees, my feet barely touching the ground as I hunted, I leapt a small stream and landed lightly on the other side. The sound and smell of the deer closer than before, there was another smell and sound discernable now, Jacob’s scent was sharper when we were hunting and I could smell what some my family complained about, but to me it was the most intoxicating scent in the entire world and the sound of his large paws galloping across the carpeted floor of the forest was reassuring.

                I came across the deer first and picked the one that I wanted, a large buck near the head of the pack, and I chased them without revealing myself. I grew level with the buck and waited until he crossed closer to me. I sprung from the forest, tackling him and bringing him down in a swift movement. I sunk my teeth into his jugular vein and felt the hot spray of blood as it flowed into my mouth. The sound of Jacobs’ paws were louder and closer than before, his barking laugh reached my ears just as the sound of him bringing down another deer did, I glanced up from my own kill and watched lovingly as Jacob fed on his.

                Night was falling quickly around us and the forest was coming to life with the small sounds of nocturnal beasts. We lay curled together watching as the stars came out to decorate the sky, I breathed in the deep aroma of the night surrounding us as I lay with my head against Jake’s chest. I could hear the safe pounding of his heart and I felt more content than I had in quite a while, I drew in a deep breath and blew it out noisily. Jake dropped his arm across my chest and down onto my abdomen, and I felt my heart flutter at the contact, I snuggled in closer and turned my head to place a kiss on his jaw. I wanted to talk to him about the future but I was so relaxed and I didn’t want to jeopardise the closeness we were experiencing. I needn’t have worried because it soon became clear that Jake wanted to talk to me to. He pulled me tightly against him and said “Nessie, we need to talk. I want to talk about the fight that we had this afternoon, I can’t always give you exactly what you want as much as I want to, please don’t get upset.” He held me tighter as I tensed and I guess he thought I was going to run away but I was more like Carlisle than I thought and I wanted to see where he was going. “I’m going back to Forks for a little while, I need to go see my dad; Rachel called the other day and said he wasn’t doing so well.” I relaxed my tense muscles for a fraction of a second until it sunk in that he had said I and not we. I sat rigid against his hard body and waited for the panic to recede. It didn’t, I finally succeeded in pulling away from him and I said angrily “Why can’t I come with you?” As I spoke the words I felt old insecurities flood through me because I knew that I wasn’t the first girl Jake loved and knowing that at one stage Jacob had loved my mother made me feel inadequate, as if the cosmos had given me to him as a consolation prize because momma had loved daddy so much. I rolled to my feet and asked “If I ask to go with you will you take me?” He considered me for a long second before dropping his head and slowly shaking it. “You have school and everything else that you need to do here. I won’t be gone long, you know deep down underneath everything else that I can’t stay away from you for long. Two weeks tops, I promise.” I shook my head incredulously at him, how could he think that I could just continue on with my life while he wasn’t there, I opened my mouth to say something else when a noise caused us both to freeze. The sound was one of tracking feet, stalking the forest. A gust of wind blew from the west and carried with it the scent of the creature stalking us, we looked at one another and Jacob rolled his eyes as we recognised the smell. Several seconds past as we waited for the creature to come closer, ten more seconds past and finally I was tired of waiting for this interruption to leave so we could continue the life changing conversation we were having in peace. I called out loudly “Seth don’t you think that you’re a little old for hide and seek?”

                A massive shape detached itself from the trees surrounding us and stalked forward, with a hissing laugh he bounced around on the large pads of his paws indifferent to the tension. Jake had gracefully gotten to his feet and said “Why aren’t you at home with Hayley?” Hayley; a gorgeous dark-haired dark-eyes seventeen year old, was the young girl that Seth had imprinted on, she came from another tribe closer to where we lived now and Seth spent the majority of his time with her even though he officially lived with Leah. Seth eyed us both cautiously as the mood finally penetrated his personal bubble, he ran back to the trees and phased before rejoining us and saying “Her father kicked me out saying that she needed to study and that I was breaking her concentration. When have I ever been a distraction?” I shot Jake a laughing look before I remembered that he wanted to leave me, even if it was only for a week, I choked the laugh short and glared silently at him. Jacob sighed in frustration before saying “Seth this isn’t a good time, are you and Leah ready to leave in the morning?” I felt my heart stop when Jacob said this, he hadn’t told me that he had already made plans, not such definite plans anyway. I hissed through my teeth and having been around our family long enough to get to know our moods Seth said hastily “Yep, um well I am, I’m gonna go and check that Leah is ready. See ya Nessie.” I didn’t even bother acknowledging him because I knew that if I spoke to him he would get the brunt of my anger and not Jacob.

                I waited until the sound of Seth’s large paws was a soft pounding before I rounded on Jake “How could you not tell me? You have already made plans? This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen, Jake, I want to come too.” He came closer and gripped my shoulders, not painfully, just enough to stop me from turning away from him and said “I can’t take you with me. I want to but I can’t. This isn’t about you Ness, how would you feel if it was your dad who was dying and you didn’t go back and see him? I don’t trust myself around you enough to not… I can’t control… ugh!” he released me so quickly that I stumbled backwards before catching myself. I suddenly knew why he hadn’t told me that he was going; he didn’t trust his control to have me there within arms’ reach without the supervision of my family. I took a deep stabilising breath and said “Let me come, I will stay with Charlie and spend the days with you and Billy. I miss Forks and I haven’t seen anyone in ages. I promise that I will behave myself and not push the friendship. I promise Jake, please let me come with you.” I could see him wavering and even before he spoke I knew that I was going to get my wish and be able to go with him. “There are conditions, only if your parents say you can come, you stay with Charlie and you promise not to push me on the sex thing.” I felt disappointed that we were waiting but I really wanted to go with him so I nodded, agreeing to his terms.

                The next morning dawned bright and sunny but nothing could match the joy I was feeling about heading back to Forks with Jake. There was a down side, and her name was Leah. Leah had never taken to our family in fact she barely controlled her hatred of us and she disliked, or maybe distrusted, me. When I was younger my father had sat me down and given me a rundown of pack life and he had explained about Leah and Sam and how when Sam had found Emily- who happened to be Leah’s cousin and best friend- he had imprinted on her causing Leah great pain and suffering. He then told me something that I had never forgotten; Leah had hated the pain and anguish Momma had caused Jake and the rest of the tribe, they had welcomed her into their midst and entrusted tribal histories to her, not to mention the fact that Jacob had been in love with her and because of their minds being linked everyone got treated to those thoughts and feelings, and then she had turned around and married a vampire, Leah had never gotten over the betrayal and then there was the fact that her mother had married my Grandpa Charlie and she resented it. She was still around because she was part of Jake’s pack and that included me. I shrugged these thoughts out of my mind and focused on the knowledge that within a couple of hours I was going to see Charlie, Sue, Billy, and the rest of the Forks Tribe.

I bounded down the stairs and out onto the front porch in time to see Rose and Em arrive, I continued my run and launched myself at Em with as much speed and force as I could muster. I may as well have hit a brick wall with a balloon for all the difference the impact made on him, he laughed and grabbed me around the waist and tossed me into the air, I squealed in delight as I soared through the air and landed safely back in his strong arms. He kissed my forehead and said “Wow Nessie that actually might have hurt if you weren’t so soft.” I took the insult the way it was intended, jokingly. I laughed and said “It’s not my fault you can’t feel anything short of a wrecking ball hitting you.” My parents and Rose were laughing at our exchange but the sudden stiffening of my fathers’ posture and the distant sound of tyres alerted me to the fact that the pack was coming, so I extricated myself from my uncle’s arms and went and stood beside my mother, waiting for the arrival of my travelling companions.

                We stood assembled waiting for less than a minute before I heard the sound of the car turning off the main road and onto the driveway that lead past Carlisle and Esme’s to our front yard, something that had been done simply for this type of occasion but to my knowledge this was the first time that the road had ever been used. I felt the excitement and anticipation flooding through me, I hadn’t realised how tangible this excitement was until Rose said “You really are in a hurry to escape from us, aren’t you Nessie, I hadn’t realised how eager to leave you were.” I swallowed my excitement and turned to face half of my family, all of which had varying degrees of emotions clouding their gorgeous eyes, and I said “I’m not excited about leaving you, I’m excited about seeing everyone we had to leave behind when we moved, I miss everyone and I can’t wait to see them.” A small voice in my head whispered ‘but it’ll be nice to spend time with Jake and not have my thoughts and feelings monitored’ and even as this thought formed I regretted it. I danced over to my dad’s side and wrapped my arms around his waist and thought ‘I didn’t mean that the way it came out but’ I didn’t need to finish the rest of my thought because he had whispered “It’ll be nice anyway. I’m sorry, Nessie, that you’re thoughts aren’t safe from me the way your mother’s are. I’d give anything to be able to not hear peoples, those I love anyway, thoughts.” I grinned up at him and said “I know Daddy, and I love you for it.” Reaching up on my toes I kissed his jaw, the car we had heard on the road had finally pulled to a stop in the front of our house and some of the occupants disembarked. I watched as Seth bounded up the stairs and greeted each member of my family individually, even hugging my mother briefly, Leah staid in the car ignoring us as if they hadn’t even stopped. Jake’s broad smile made the overcast day suddenly brighter even though it wasn’t his usual smile and he walked at a more sedate pace than Seth had but his greeting was just as inclusive before he backed back down the steps, they didn’t have the chance to actually say anything before my father said “Billy is that bad?” I felt my heart stutter as I had a closer look at Jacob and saw that behind his gorgeous smile pain and grief dwelled within his dark eyes.

                He rolled his eyes and said “Thanks Edward, yeah he is that bad. Are you ready Ness?” I nodded and said “Yep.” I leant down to grab the handles of my bag but Seth was there already he smiled and said “I’ve got it. Let’s get going.” I leapt down the front stairs and wrapped Jacob in a fierce hug putting my hands on his face and showing him how badly I felt that his father was so unwell. He kissed my forehead and whispered “Thanks Ness.” Looking up at my extended family he stood quietly before saying gravely “I will take care of her, nothing will happen to her while she is with me.” My father stood glaring at him without saying anything but I knew, even without his special gift, that he was hearing the secret thoughts that dwelled inside our heads. I released Jacob and dashed back up the stairs and hugged him tightly before embracing my Aunt and Uncle and lastly my mother. She clasped me to her tightly and she whispered in a chocked up voice “Say hello to everyone for us, and tell Charlie and Sue that I said they need to come and visit as soon as possible because we miss them terribly.” I nodded my head as tears obstructed my vision, I had never been away from my family before and it was now sinking in that I wasn’t going to see them for a full fortnight. Jacob wrapped his arms around me and pulled me gently towards the car and kissing my temple he opened the door and folded me gently into the passenger seat. I waved goodbye and we drove away.

                I felt the tears that I had been holding in flow down my cheeks and Jake placed one strong arm around me and said “You can stay if you want.” I shook my head and through my sobs I said “No, I want to come with you it’s just that I haven’t ever been away from them and it feels odd.” He smiled and nodded his head before saying “We’ll be home again before you know it and then you’ll be begging me to take you away again.” I nodded and forced a smile onto my face, wiping my tears off my cheeks and watched as we sped away from our current home and towards the past.

                We drove for hours before the rumbling of my stomach drew laughing glances from Jacob, he pulled into the nearest fast-food restaurant and grabbed some burgers and fries before continuing our journey towards Forks. We drove westward and after almost twelve hours on the road we finally reached Port Angeles, Washington State. As we hit the outskirts of the small tourist town I felt my excitement bubble up inside of me and I grabbed Jacobs’ hand and held tightly. He shot me a small smile before returning his gaze back to the road ahead of us. We drove for another hour before we reached the road-side sign reading ‘The city of Forks welcomes you – pop 3120’. The atmosphere in the car was electric and I fidgeted in my seat as we drew closer to Charlies’ house, the house my mother had spent the last couple of years of her humanity living in. As we pulled up outside the two storey home in which Charlie and Sue now lived, I was practically bouncing in my seat, we had barely pulled to a stop when the front door opened and Charlie came running out followed closely by Sue. I had the door open and was racing around the front of the car, barrelling into the open arms of my loving grandfather, before the car had fully stopped. Charlie stumbled backward at my enthusiastic greeting, chuckling as he said “Wow Nessie, look at you. You’ve grown so much.” He kissed my cheek moving my body to his side and greeting the others as they made their slower exit from the car. He held out his hand and shook hands with Jacob and Seth before dropping a quick kiss on Leah’s cheek, by this time Sue had reached our side and was greeting us all warmly and for the first time in the time since we had left Forks to move away Leah smiled. She wrapped her mother in a tight embrace and I was struck by the knowledge that being away from her mother may have contributed to the fact that Leah was the surliest person that I knew.

                We walked as a group inside and made our way through to the back of the house and into the kitchen, where we perched on the mismatched chairs that made up the dining furniture. We were all chatting amiably and after about an hour Jacob checked his watch and said “I’ve gotta get going, or Dad will be ringing demanding to know where I am.” He rose from the table and shot a look at both Seth and Leah, who both rose from their respective seats and kissed their mother’s cheek before filing out the door. Charlie and Sue followed them giving me and Jake some privacy, I felt tears well in my eyes at the thought that we were going to be spending the night apart, it was the first night that we had been separated, that I could remember, since I had been born and it was difficult to see him preparing to leave me, even if it was only for the night. I shuffled closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. I looked up into his face and said “This is harder than I thought it was going to be, I have never been more than a few feet from you during the night. I bet you I don’t sleep because you’re not there snoring.” Jacob laughed softly and said “Me? What about you? You snore too.” I felt the pout of annoyance purse my full red lips together but before I could fling a retort at him he bent down and kissed me. I crushed myself against him and ran my hands over as much of his broad shoulders and back that I could reach, he allowed this for longer than I expected but still for a shorter time than I wanted. He broke our kiss and set me away from him, our palms brushing, my thoughts shining inside his head for a brief second. His beautiful full lips pursed and his words were harsh but his eyes showed longing “I thought you were going to behave on that front?” he asked. I felt anger, and it stopped my quick response because until recently it took a lot to rouse any negative emotion in me, I took a deep breath and said as calmly as I could “I can’t control what goes through my mind, can you? I can’t help that I have teenage emotions and feelings, and I know that because you’re older you can control them better than I can but give me a break. I am only eighteen and I have normal eighteen year olds thoughts. Don’t you remember what that was like?”

                As I said the words I regretted them, it was the closet I had come to reminding him that he had been a hormone driven teenager and that he had focused those hormones on my mother, and even if he did want to remember, I definitely didn’t want to. I pulled away from him but not before I placed a quick kiss on his clenched jaw and moving to stand closer to the sink and further from the door (and Jacob) I said “Forget I said anything, go and see your dad and let him know that I will be down tomorrow to visit.” He stood staring at me with sad eyes before he backed towards the door and said “The keys are hanging up; I know you don’t need to drive and that it would probably be quicker to run but I think we should try and keep up the ‘normal’ appearance while we’re here. ’Night Nessie, love you.” I watched him as he backed further out of the room and I whispered painfully “’Night Jake, sweet dreams.” He shot me a look full of longing a said quietly “They always are sweetheart because they’re of you.” I felt a sob rise in my throat and choked it back as much as I could, I watched him leave through tear filled eyes and the second I could no longer smell him I broke into loud wracking sobs that shook my entire body. By this time Charlie and Sue had re-entered the house, Charlie stood watching me awkwardly- probably having horrible flashbacks to when my father had left my mother and she had broken down- while Sue wrapped me in a huge hug and encouraged me to cry out all my pain. She held me until the sobs faded and sanity returned, with sanity came embarrassment at being seen like that. I hugged her back and said hoarsely “Thanks Grandma, I’m okay now. I think I might go and get ready for bed.” Kissing both my Grandparents worried foreheads I grabbed my bag and fled up the stairs to the room where my mother had once slept. I dumped my bag on the floor and heeling off my shoes I flopped on the bed, closing my eyes I listen as the rain picked up and this reassuring sound helped lull me into a deep, dreamless sleep.